Today, we look at a few “near-miss” relationships with X-Book characters.
In Drawing Crazy Patterns, I spotlight at least five scenes/moments from within comic book stories that fit under a specific theme (basically, stuff that happens frequently in comics). Note that these lists are inherently not exhaustive. They are a list of five examples (occasionally I’ll be nice and toss in a sixth). So no instance is “missing” if it is not listed. It’s just not one of the five examples that I chose.
ANGEL TREATED JEAN GREY LIKE A PRIZE TO BE WON
When Jean Grey was introduced to the rest of the X-Men in X-Men #1 (by Jack Kirby, Stan Lee and Paul Reinman), the other four members of the team all practically covered her in drool (even Bobby Drake, who is, you know, gay)…
However, the way that Warren Worthington, the Angel, treated Jean was really like she was a prize that he could win…
There was a whole lot of “Sweeping her off her feet” whether she liked it or not in those early issues…
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that Cyclops’ whole “Just glower and hope that Jean somehow figures out that I’m into her” approach was any better, but Warren was still pushing where Jean was not into him at all.
Even when Roy Thomas ultimately moved on past their romance in X-Men #31 (art by Werner Roth and John Tartaglione), it was like, “Okay, Jean, choose between us two guys!” like…huh?
Luckily, in that issue, Warren meets Candy Southern and they become a couple for a long time…
I’ve written in the past of how awesome Candy was and how dirty she was done later in the pages of X-Factor, but let’s put it this way briefly, you know how we all give Cyclops grief for ditching his wife and infant son to go rush to Jean Grey when she turned up alive? Well, how come Warren doesn’t get that same grief for ditching Candy in the same way and MAKING HER RUN HIS COMPANY WHILE HE WAS OFF MOONING OVER JEAN?
Once gain, Jean showed no real interest in Warren, but he persisted. Never a good look, Warren!
WE GET IT, CYCLOPS, PSYLOCKE IS VERY ATTRACTIVE. NOW STOP DROOLING.
One of the difficult things that creators had to work with in the early 1990s was creative upheaval where other writers introduced a bunch of concepts and then the incoming writer had to deal with the setup/fallout of the stuff introduced by the earlier writer. X-Men #8 (by Jim Lee, Scott Lobdell and Art Thibert) has one of the steamiest panels in 1990s mainstream comics, where Psylocke gets out of the water in her bathing suit, causing Cyclops to act like a cartoon character in front of his longtime girlfriend, Jean Grey…
Lee clearly was going somewhere with this, as seen in the next issue (also by Lee, Lobdell and Thibert)…
But then Lee was off of the book and Fabian Nicieza took over writing duties and he felt that he had to keep up the subplot, and so in X-Men #12 (by Nicieza and Thibert), Cyclops is still mooning over Psylocke…
Which he does for the next few issues, until in X-Men #20 (by Nicieza, Andy Kubert and Mark Pennington), when the two actually KISS!
However, Nicieza was always planning on having this Psylocke deal just push Cyclops into marrying Jean Grey. Which is a fine enough narrative on Nicieza’s part, but ooph, it’s a weird look for Cyclops. “I mooned over my hot teammate for a year and then made out with her, so now I know that I want to marry you for real!” Shockingly, Scott and Jean’s marriage did not last.
WARPATH FALLS FOR A DAMAGED SIRYN
Nicieza did a nice job with another unrequited romance in the pages of X-Force, as Warpath was super into Siryn, but Siryn was into booze, causing her to drunkenly throw herself at Shatterstar in X-Force #26 (by Nicieza, Mat Broome and Scott Hanna)…
and then even CABLE, while Warpath takes care of her and puts her to bed…
Even Shatterstar, who barely has human emotions, is all, “Dude, this isn’t good. You can’t try to get someone who is addicted to love you by taking care of them while they’re wasted”….
In the end, Warpath acknowledges this when he helps Siryn get help for her alcoholism in X-Force #31 (by Nicieza, Tony Daniel and Jon Holdredge)…
He knows that their romance is not meant to be, but he is willing to do so to help his friend. Good stuff, but yeah, they should not have gotten together at that point due to the whole alcoholism thing.
CABLE AND STORM INEXPLICABLY BECOME A THING
Storm was without a love interest for most of the early 1990s after she and Forge basically broke up, and so when she got her own miniseries in 1995, it appeared that writer Warren Ellis (working with artists Terry Dodson and Karl Story) was addressing this with an intriguing new love interest – CABLE! At this point in time, Storm was dealing with the sad confrontation with the Morlocks in “Uncanny X-Men” #325 where she seemingly pulled the heart out of the Morlock leader, Sarah (who had been a Morlock who survived the Mutant Massacre only to be taken into another dimension by Mikhail Rasputin where time worked differently, so she aged into a teenager before returning as a mutant terrorist because this is comics and plots sound insane when you boil them down like this). She ended up turning to Cable for some moral support regarding the Morlocks, as she planned on paying tribute to the Morlocks in their tunnels. Their interaction here suggested a little something going on…
And then Storm seems to break up with Forge for good later in the issue. Then, though, she is seemingly killed (but in reality, she was transported to the other dimension by Rasputin, who wanted to make her his queen. Seriously, dudes wanted to make Storm their queen ALL THE FREAKING TIME. Amusingly enough, she eventually actually DID become the queen of Wakanda). Cable then spends the next few issues of the miniseries moping over the loss of the woman he barely knows…
Finally, Storm returns and the experience leads to her deciding to get a new look. Now remember how Cable noticed how Storm smelled? Well, dude’s actually sniffing for her scent by the end of the final issue…
But she seems into it…
The issue is that Ellis was not writing either character, and while Cable writer Jeph Loeb was glad to pick up the flirtation, as well, he soon left Cable, as well, and so there was no one to keep them together. My pal and editor, Tim, liked Cable and Storm together, and honestly, I didn’t have a problem per se with them, but it also seemed so much like Mad Lib romance. “Storm has feelings for _____”
It was such an out of nowhere deal and it was dropped quickly once Loeb was gone (outside of Scott Lobdell referencing it ONCE in the pages of X-Men).
ROGUE AND COLOSSUS HAVE A CONNECTION
When Chris Claremont returned to the X-Men in 2000, he did a time gap so that he could pick up with the team with everyone in different places and Claremont leaned heavily into all sorts of unexpected stuff, including romances, like Rogue and Colossus seemingly getting together in X-Men #100 (by Claremont, Leinil Francis Yu and Mark Morales)…
But a lot of these bits seemed to be no more than just, “Hey, isn’t this out there, right?” stuff and no one else was interested in picking up on the concepts, like Rogue/Colossus.
If you have suggestions for a future Drawing Crazy Patterns, drop me a line at [email protected]!
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