Everyone wants to hear their partner say the most profoundly romantic and beautiful things on their wedding day, but not everyone has the writing capabilities of William Wordsworth or, you know, Shakespeare.
That said, it’s still more meaningful to write your own speeches and vows than to get someone else to do it for you.
Wedding speech expert Heidi Ellert-McDermott, 46, has shared some advice for anyone attempting to write the perfect vows for their big day – and you should never use clichés or talk for too long.
‘There’s so many well-established wedding traditions but delivering your own vows is a relatively recent phenomenon – so there isn’t really a template for it,’ she said.
This means it’s easy to make mistakes. These are Heidi’s top tips for writing the perfect vows.
Avoid using cliches
Heidi said using obvious phrases and ‘generic Pinterest quotes’ like ‘nothing made sense until you came into my life’ and ‘you have shown me what love means’ adds no meaning and should be avoided.
‘Don’t say you want to do bespoke wedding vows and say the same old things as everyone else,’ she said.
The same can be said for the best man or father of the bride, who have also been known to use a hefty number of clichés in their speeches.
Research by Hitched found that phrases like ‘I’ve never seen two people so in love,’ ‘make each other laugh,’ and ‘I can’t wait to see what the future holds for you,’ are among the top clichés used in speeches by wedding guests.
Instead, Heidi advised making your vows personal to your relationship, talking about the things you’ve been through and your plans for the future.
The same theory can be applied to the other speeches of the day, too. Talk about the couple!
The top 20 wedding speech cliches to avoid as a guest
- ‘I’m so happy for you two.’
- ‘You’re perfect for each other.’
- ‘I’ve never seen two people so in love.’
- ‘I’m so proud of you both.’
- ‘I can’t wait to see what the future holds for you.’
- ‘Make each other laugh.’
- ‘Never take each other for granted.’
- ‘Always be there for each other.’
- ‘Communicate openly and honestly.’
- ‘Work through your problems together.’
- ‘Never go to bed angry.’
- ‘Always remember why you fell in love.’
- ‘Celebrate your love every day.’
- ‘Make your marriage a priority.’
- ‘Never give up on each other.’
- ‘Your love is an inspiration to us all.’
- ‘We are so lucky to have you in our lives.’
- ‘Congratulations on your wedding day!’
- ‘May your love last a lifetime.’
- ‘Cheers to the happy couple!’
Make sure your vows match your partner’s
Everyone wants to add a little bit of personality to their wedding vows, which can mean some are very different to others.
‘Some are happy to be a bit cheeky and want their guests smiling – others want to touch everyone’s hearts and leave a few people crying,’ Heidi said. ‘Either is fine!’
What isn’t fine, is if one person goes down the tearjerker route, while the other attempts to make everyone laugh.
This is why Heidi suggests talking to each other about your vows, to make sure you have a matching tone.
‘You have to have a sense of what your partner is doing,’ she said.
‘It could provide quite an awkward moment when one person delivers a funny verse and the other gives a long speech proclaiming their love.’
Don’t talk for too long
Another error couples should avoid at all costs is going on for too long, according to Heidi.
She said you should aim for around 500 words, and never exceed three minutes.
You don’t need to go into every last detail about your relationship – keep it concise, while still capturing the heart of your love story.
‘You should firstly give a sense of why you were attracted to the other person and how they’ve made your life more meaningful,’ Heidi said.
‘Then, how you promise to be a good partner to them, and your hopes for the future together.’
Memorise your speech or vows
The biggest wedding speech no-no is reading your speech off your mobile phone.
Instead, Heidi said you should attempt to memorise what you’re going to say or, if you do need prompts, have them printed on a clean sheet of paper so that you won’t get distracted or scroll too far.
Heidi’s top tips for writing vows
- Couples should ensure their vows complement the others in terms of length, tone and structure.
- Structure should consist of your love story in a nutshell, proof of your connection, your hopes for the future and five to ten personal promises.
- Don’t resort to clichés – make your vows truly personal and meaningful.
- Think about the ‘everyday romance’ – the things that make your love real on a day to day basis
- Aim for a maximum of three minutes or 500 words each.
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