Sometimes there’s nothing hotter than dating someone who’s confident, hilarious and sure of themselves… until you realise you might be playing a supporting role in their life.
Yup, we’re talking about Main Character Syndrome. The idea is that a person with main character energy sees themselves as the protagonist of their life (think Carrie from Sex and The City) and more often than not believes that others are there purely to support them.
While it can be healthy to have a little dose of MCS (we all need to be selfish sometimes, especially if we’re guilty of overexerting ourselves by giving ourselves completely to others), dating someone with a full-blown dose of it can have some serious problems.
According to Jessica Alderson, a relationship expert and the co-founder of So Syncd, there are five key signs that you might be playing the Charlotte to your partner’s Carrie.
They only think about their own needs
If your partner seems to be focused solely on their own wants and desires, it indicates that their needs are more important than anyone else’s.
Your partner should take into account both of your needs when making decisions and if they don’t, it’s a classic sign of MCS.
They think they’re always right
People with MCS think that their opinions and beliefs are more valuable than anyone else’s.
If your partner always insists that they know best, regardless of the situation or topic at hand, then this is a sign that they have it.
They don’t like being challenged
Another indicator is these people tend to shy away from conflict or debate, as it can make them feel insecure and threatened.
Jess warns that if your partner gets easily upset when their opinions are questioned or challenged, then this could be an indication of MCS.
They take control of the relationship
However, it can also manifest in controlling behaviour. When someone thinks they are the lead character in a story, it often goes hand-in-hand with them wanting to call the shots and drive the direction of said story, explains Jess.
If your partner is constantly making decisions for you without your input or trying to dictate how things should be done, it’s a sign that they may have MCS.
They are overly dramatic
People with MCS tend to take things personally or overreact when they feel like they’re not being taken seriously. They are also prone to making everyday life dramatic because they want to be the main character in an exciting and interesting story.
If your partner is prone to exaggerated reactions or fits of rage, it could indicate that they have this.
What to do about it
Sounding a bit familiar?
Don’t panic, although it can be a difficult and painful experience to deal with someone who has MCS, there are actions you can take to make things easier.
Jess says that it’s really important not to indulge in their behaviour by trying to appease them – let them off and they will expect you to cave every single time.
Instead, set clear boundaries and be firm in your stance, it can help to have an open and honest discussion about their behaviour and talk about why it’s not okay.
Ultimately, you have to lay out the ground rules of what you want from them and the relationship and make it clear that it needs to be a two-way street.
However, if your partner is unwilling to make changes or acknowledge their issues, it’s best to walk away before you get in even deeper, warns Jess.
‘You’ll only end up getting more hurt. If they are willing to work on their issues and you can see a future together, give them a set amount of time to change,’ she says.
‘This is their chance to prove they’ve taken on board your feedback through their actions.
‘If they don’t show any signs of change or improvement over a set time period, say a range of weeks or months – depending on your situation – then it’s time to say enough is enough.’
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