Unfortunately, whether they know it or not, people will try to cross your boundaries – and it can lead to a lot of discomfort.
Whether it’s someone at work, your in-laws, your own family or a complete stranger who’s decided to chat to you at the bus stop, we sometimes need to put an end to a conversation as soon as possible in order to protect ourselves.
It could be a completely over the line joke or an incredibly personal question, or an observation that just doesn’t need said.
We also don’t always have the energy (especially if it’s a repeat offender) to explain why their statement has upset us but for anyone stuck in silence, one boundary coach has come up with a set of quick-fire statements to stop the offender in their tracks.
Thanks to Kami Orange, @Kami_Orange, and her content on TikTok, people are finally feeling armed with conversation enders to stop an unfair or uncomfortable situation in its tracks.
Kami has been collecting and sharing her top 40 boundary phrases, with the videos raking up an incredible amount of views.
In one clip, that has now been liked 245k times, she talks about the phrase ‘Hmm, what an odd thing to say out loud’ and its ability to be used in a situation where someone is sharing offensive views.
‘Not all phrases are for all situations or for all people,’ she explains. ‘But, in my experience, working with majority white clients in the Midwest or Rocky Mountain area of the United States, about 70% of people when they’re confronted with someone saying something racist, fatphobic, homophobic, just problematic in general, they just don’t say anything because they don’t know what to say.
‘And so having a phrase like, “What an odd thing to say out loud”, is better than saying nothing.’
Kami adds that if you’re able to strongly set boundaries by telling someone to f*** off when these phrases might not be for you, but they can certainly help in stopping an uncomfortable conversation.
Other phrases Kami has shared include:
- ‘Oh, I am not the right person for you to share that with’ – Kami explains this phrase can be good to use in a setting where you need to immediately cut someone off
- ‘I see your message and I’ll respond later when I have time to give you my full attention’ – This can be used to acknowledge a person, especially if they’re being vulnerable, but give you time to get into a headspace to approach it
- -‘I’m not sure why that’s funny, can you explain the joke to me?’ – A winner for when people try and play off their unfair comments as a joke.
Do you have a story to share?
Get in touch by emailing [email protected].
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