Have you ever wondered how the experiences you have early on in life shape your perception of the world? How they help make your view of the world different from others. It can be a safe and secure place for one but an anxious and scary one for another. This is where attachment theory comes in.
The attachment theory was developed by a British psychologist called John Bowlby between the fifties and sixties and what he aimed to do was describe different ways primary caregivers and children can be attached- a primary caregiver is someone who provides support, protection, and care. According to this theory, it is believed that the bonds formed between child and caregiver are an indicator of how a child would form attachments and have relationships later in life.
He developed different kinds of attachments which are known as attachment styles. these can be broken down into four main categories. These descriptions are very broad and not everyone will display all these characteristics.
The first attachment style is secure attachment. Someone with this attachment style as a child would have lived in a supportive environment where parents consistently met their needs and they would have felt strong feelings of safeness and stableness.
Securely attached people are generally comfortable sharing their innermost feelings and seeking help. These individuals have a positive outlook on life, and they tend to view themselves and others in a positive light. They are comfortable with closeness, and seek physical and/or emotional intimacy with little fear of rejection or being overwhelmed. They can rely on people and in turn, let people rely on them.
The second attachment style is dismissive-avoidant. This style is developed when a child’s primary caregiver fails to meet their emotional needs or rejects them. Children learn to withdraw emotionally as a method to avoid feeling rejected. It is common for dismissive-avoidant to become uncomfortable with emotional openness and may even deny to themselves the need for any intimate relationships.
As far as social relationships are concerned, they do not wish to depend on others, have others depend on them, or seek support and approval from other people. This style of attachment avoids emotionally close relationships. Additionally, when faced with an emotionally charged situation, they may conceal or suppress their feelings.
The third attachment style is fearful-avoidant. Children who have developed this style may have been exposed to prolonged abuse and/or neglect. Providing comfort and support is the primary responsibility of primary caregivers, however, in situations of abuse, they are often a source of harm and hurt.
These children grow up to become adults who fear intimacy within their relationships but also fear not having close relationships in their lives. Intimacy and closeness are what fearful avoiders seek, but at the same time, they have difficulties relying on others and trusting them. Their fear of getting hurt causes them to avoid emotional attachments and regulate their emotions poorly.
The final attachment style is anxious-preoccupied with this style caregivers would demonstrate attentiveness, nurturing, and care at times. But then they may also demonstrate coldness, rejection, and emotional detachment at other times. As a result, the child doesn’t what to expect.
Those with an anxious preoccupied attachment style typically have a negative self-image, while having a positive view of others. They seek out intimacy and security from others, especially romantic partners. They tend to see others as superior to them, and as such, they may tend to be reliant and dependent in relationships. They have a strong need for close relationships but also have a fear of abandonment and rejection and difficulty trusting others. This attachment style requires much more validation and approval from others.
These styles can change over time in response to life experiences, trauma, and treatment. Our self-esteem, ability to control our emotions and the quality of our relationships are all affected by our attachment style. It is important to know what your style is as it gives you an insight into yourself, how you perceive love, and how you perceive others and the world. You can then use this to become the healthiest version of yourself!
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