NBC’s “Saturday Night Live” cold open lampooned the classified document scandal facing the country’s law two presidential administrations.
Mikey Day portrayed Attorney General Merrick Garland as an impish crimefighter with tough-guy ambitions.
“I may look like I was born in a library, but there’s something you should know: Merrick Garland don’t play,” the fake AG said, after being introduced by a Western inspired theme song punctuated by the sounds of a horse being whipped.
Garland said President Biden and former Vice President Mike Pence’s lawyers had been cooperating with the feds after being busted with top secret documents, but not former President Trump, “whose lawyer put a horse head in my bed.”
When posing the rhetorical question if it was a pressing matter to recover the classified documents from the leaders, Day-as-Garland said “I don’t know, but it’s the law. And I am the law.”
Agents played by Kenan Thompson and Ego Nwodim then stepped to the podium to describe how their searches of Pence’s house and the home of Vice President Kamala Harris turned up empty.
At Pence’s house, the only untoward finding was a folder labeled “tax stuff” that turned up photographs of Shania Twain cut out from magazines, Thompson explained.
The current veep’s home was also free from illicit documents.
“Come on now. Joe Biden won’t even give this woman a pen. You think she has classified documents?,” Nwodim said.
Meanwhile, a star-struck agent played by Bowen Yang was charmed by former President Obama during a surprise inspection of his home.
Obama read Yang some of the 175 letters he had received from Lin Manuel Miranda, and gushed about how the two-term Democrat ignored a call from Beyoncé during his visit.
Thompson then returned to the sketch to call for justice in the fatal Tennessee police beating of Tyre Nichols on Jan. 10. Five former officers are charged with murder in connection with the incident.
“Hey boss when we done playing with your little papers, we gonna head down to Memphis and make sure justice is served down there too right?,” the agent asked.
“I sincerely hope so,” Day responded.
Actor Michael B. Jordan hosted the show.
“Michael be hosting. Michael be joking. And honestly, Michael be nervous, Michael be vulnerable” he confessed to the live audience, while adding “Michael be in therapy.”
After finding out the handsome “Creed III” host was single, Chloe Fineman and Heidi Gardner and Nwodim — wearing a wedding dress — then went to desperate lengths to throw themselves at him, but were rebuked.
Punkie Johnson, a lesbian, said even she was “B-curious” about hooking up with Jordan.
“Even vegans have cheat days right?,” the comedian asked, before shamelessly groping him.
“Weekend Update” returned to the classified document scandal, with Colin Jost noting that Obama and former presidents Clinton and Bush had issued statements saying they were not in possession of them.
“Jimmy Carter issued a statement saying ‘come and get them you bastards,’” Jost cracked, as an over-the-shoulder graphic showed the 98-year-old standing in front of piles of documents wielding a machine gun.
Rapper Lil Baby performed his songs “Forever” and “California Breeze.”
Actor Pedro Pasca will be joined by the band Coldplay on the show’s Feb. 4 episode.
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