Rachel Bilson won’t fake orgasms – but don’t be ashamed if you do

The actress revealed that she has ‘never faked an orgasm’.

Speaking on the Broad Ideas podcast, the OC star told listeners that she doesn’t want to ‘go into that people-pleasing thing’, while also asking them if she is an ‘a**hole’ or ‘d**k’ for never having ‘given’ this to her partners.

‘It goes against my whole nature of being a people pleaser and putting the dude first,’ she added.

The moment I heard what the actor had said, annoyance began to bubble up inside me.

There are two key problems but let me start by answering Rachel’s burning question.

No, Rachel, you’re not an ‘a**hole’ for never having faked an orgasm. But you are one if you shame those who do. 

The question itself is condescending and suggests a lack of understanding for anyone with climax concerns – like those who have anorgasmia, a medical term for anyone struggling with or being unable to orgasm, to mention but one example.

Orgasms (having and/or faking them) is a complex and deeply personal issue. It’s not as simple as ‘being a people pleaser’, if that is even a factor at all. 

Problem number two: this isn’t the first time Rachel has hit the headlines for opening up about her bedroom activities and expressing opinions that might confuse others.

To level the playing field, you should know that I have faked orgasms twice in my life – once because I wanted to ‘reward’ my partner for all his hard work and I just couldn’t ‘get there’. Call me a people pleaser if you must.

The second time, I did kind of climax but not fully, and my enthusiasm wasn’t authentic.

I realised afterwards that I wasn’t doing myself or my sexual partner any favours and that orgasms, for me, aren’t the end goal. 

I love climaxing but sex is about the experience. 

If you are dealing with trauma or are just plain shy, discovering your inner sex goddess can be a steep hill to climb

So, like Rachel, I don’t fake orgasms – but I understand why so many women do. 

While some of my friends have admitted they have done this to satisfy their partner, the real reason often goes much deeper. 

It can be tied to fear of failure or fear of being a disappointing shag, or due to confidence issues. 

As an example, years ago, I spoke to someone in their early 20s who said she’d had seven sexual partners and had never climaxed with a partner or solo. 

She didn’t know her own body. She was afraid to talk about sex and had never raised the issue with the men she was sleeping with – giving neither them, nor herself, a chance to work on it. 

To me, it makes complete sense that she faked her orgasms. 

Fake it till you make it, right?

Part of me loves that celebrities are being candid about their sex lives, like when Kim Kardashian revealed that she’s a ‘lights off’ kind of woman, implying that she too struggles with insecurities about her body. 

Then there’s the other side, with Bilson’s flippant comments or when Lorraine Kelly kink-shamed young people who enjoy choking during sex.

Every person’s sexual experience is valid but I wish celebrities would be more careful with their words when talking about sex.