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‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse,’ goes the classic poem.
Rabbits, however, are a different story entirely.
While we all relish the magical feeling this time of year brings, guests and gatherings aren’t exactly conducive to bedroom exploration. Guests expect the sound of bells, not buzzing.
But sex drives don’t shut down for the festive season, and many people find they’re actually hornier during winter – which makes sense given December is the month when most babies are conceived.
If you don’t want the hustle and bustle of Christmas to cramp your style in the bedroom, you’ll need to be as discreet as possible. The alternative would be your nan bursting in to see where the noise is coming from and getting an eyeful, which really doesn’t bear thinking about.
That means avoiding loud moaning or rattling beds – and you can even get creative with sex toys that are whisper quiet and inconspicuous.
We’ve rounded up our favourite low-key toys from Lovehoney that promise a silent night with a sexy twist. Fulfil those festive urges without getting caught out.
Lovehoney Silencer Whisper Quiet Classic Vibrator 7in – £19.99
The Silencer promises ‘whisper quiet vibrations’ at seven speed settings, for inconspicuous internal and external stimulation.
Womanizer Premium 2 Rechargeable Smart Silence Clitoral Suction Stimulator – £169.99
This high-tech toy uses Pleasure Air Technology to create a unique sucking sensation on the clitoris, with a Smart Silence feature that’s quiet when in use but turns off when you stop contact with your body – meaning no incriminating noises.
We-Vibe Touch X Rechargeable Clitoral Vibrator – £89.99
Similarly discreet, this palm-sized vibe won’t tell on you if it falls out of your weekend bag. Its versatile shape means it can be used on a variety of erogenous zones, and reviewers rated it four out of five for noise.
Tracey Cox Supersex Bullet Vibrator – £14.99
Looking for something small but mighty? Look no further than this handbag-friendly bullet, which a judge at the UK Sex Toy Awards described as ‘discreet and ultimately pleasurable.’
Fifty Shades of Grey Greedy Girl G-Spot Rabbit Vibrator – £79.99
If you prefer the classic rabbit shape, this is a fabulous all-rounder, including 36 different vibration combinations. Ramp up the speed when you’re alone, or keep it low and slow if you’re trying to avoid detection between thin walls.
Lovehoney Head Master Triple Header Flexible Stroker Set – £24.99
Or, why not go analog with some silicone strokers? They’re perfect for stimulating the penis, either as a textured addition to heighten the sensation of a blowjob, or with lube for a levelled up masturbation session.
Lovehoney Sensual Glass Blossom Ben Wa Balls – £19.99
Ben Wa Balls are a great way to build tension for when you and your partner can sneak away and have fun. They provide subtle stimulation while inside, and regular use can promote stronger orgasms in future.
Lovehoney Colourplay Colour-Changing Silicone Cock Ring Set – £12.99
Another toy that doesn’t require electricity, these cock rings can strengthen erections and orgasms, adding a new (and importantly, silent) feel to your foreplay.
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