Quick Tips To Cope With Urgency Culture in Relationships

Ever since the pandemic struck, there has been a misbelief that people are available all the time to respond to any and all requests. Psychologist Dr Nicole LePera explained that Urgency culture refers to the societal expectation to always be available or “productive.” This can put our body into a chronic fight or flight. As one might expect, it can create a lot of anxiety in our relationships. Dr LePera shared that with new technology available at our fingertips, there has been a shift in how to communicate in a big way. People can feel pressure to be in constant communication or give immediate responses. When in fact, we do not need to get back to people immediately. Our idea that we should be in constant communication can be toxic in relationships. She also shared ways on how people who are victims of the urgency culture can break free:

What does urgency culture in relationships look like?

Placing an expectation on someone to get back immediately.

Feeling obligated to respond to someone immediately.

Being available for anyone 24/7

Feeling guilt or anxiety when you are not responding

Making impulsive decisions

Dr Nicole LePera mentioned that in reality, everyone communicates differently. Their communication style, if it does not align with yours, is not a direct sign of how they feel about you, personally.

How to unlearn urgency culture in relationships?

Do not expect someone to respond within a certain period of time.

Get back to people when you feel you have the energy and capacity. This means you are setting boundaries.

Do not assign meaning to how people communicate.

Remember that everyone has a different level and style of communication.

Giving yourself time and space to make choices around invites.

The therapist also shared that people should remember: just because we have new modes of communication does not mean we have to be in constant communication. Make sure you always have clear boundaries.

Reminders to cope with Urgency culture:

Try to be conscious of when your nervous system needs a break from communication.

Understand you are not obligated to reply to anyone right away. This is especially in case if they have a request. You can take space to reflect.

If you find yourself anxious over a response, find out how can you self-soothe. Some ways to do it include taking a break from your phone, going for a walk, calling a friend, or journaling to let out your feelings

Always remember not to expect everyone to share your own beliefs about how much you should be in touch

Set clear boundaries by letting people know it’s not a good time. You should not feel bad about telling someone that you are not in a space to chat with someone.

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It is also important to remember that your free time does not mean your available time. The key is to set boundaries. It is going to take assertiveness and a little hard work to make sure you protect yourself against the urgency culture.

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