Planet Crypto: A welcoming Gary Gensler says ‘my door is always open’

The mirth magicians at Planet Crypto aren’t entirely convinced by Gary Gensler’s open door policy. Remember – it’s all just a bit of fun…

After imposing hefty fines on Kraken and Paxos, the heavily-criticised chair of the SEC, Gary Gensler, has insisted his door ‘is always open’.

But that’s not what his critics say. Crypto services providers have been wanting to ‘do the right thing’ by the SEC – but they claim that the SEC’s narrative of ‘come in and talk to us and register’ simply isn’t true. 

“That’s harsh,” Gensler insisted to Planet crypto. “I’m very accessible.

“Yes. My door is wide open. Admittedly, crypto providers need to understand, that to get to the door, they need to cross my personal minefield, first. But that should be easy enough for any crypto providers who have attended specialist ordnance disposal courses according to International Mine Action Standards.

“And anybody can pass those… with the right level of commitment and dedication and higher-education learning. So yeah. Door, open, is, always. 

“Yes, there are a few confusing forms to fill as well, but nothing much, and there’s also the moat-filled with famished bull sharks which they have to cross to get to the door. But that’s a small thing, which frankly shouldn’t be an obstacle to any crypto provider who can swim in a suit of chainmail armour.

“And the chainmail suit will also provide them some protection from the bullets fired from my personal security in the machine-gun tower.

“And once they’ve gone past the doorway into my office, and sidestepped the pot of boiling oil on the top of the door, they’ll find me at my desk ready to listen. 

“So long as they can talk loud enough to be heard over my noise-cancellation earphones. 

“So frankly, I don’t know what the fuss is about.”

When asked if he could take his noise-cancellation earphones out, to listen to any hard-hitting objections from our interviewer, he duly obliged. And then stuck his fingers in his ears and sang “La la la la la I can’t hear you!”