Opinion | Pay a monthly subscription for your car’s heated seats? It’s time for Big Auto to hit the brakes on cash grabs

I miss the days when mats were the only option on a new car.

Buying a new ride now involves more decision-making than a wartime president. If my dad went to a dealership when we were kids and was forced to tick boxes on everything from rim spokes to suede finishes, he would have thrown up his arms and bought a horse and buggy.

My dad just wanted to get from A to B.

He had no interest in paying extra for C through Z.

But automakers do not make the big bucks by keeping things simple. Choice is the premium fuel in their bottom line. Those choices may soon include monthly subscriptions to unlock features already built into your vehicle.

As Business Insider put it this week: “BMW is selling heated seats as a monthly subscription in several countries.”

In South Korea, BMW drivers can pay about $18 per month to keep their derrières toasty when it gets frigid outside. The Verge noted, “Heated seats subs are now available in BMW’s digital stores in countries including the U.K., Germany, New Zealand and South Africa.”

How long until this dastardly idea revs up in North America?

Paying a monthly fee for live traffic nav or satellite radio makes sense because you are getting a service. But shelling out monthly to unlock software to activate heated seats is like buying a fridge and paying $5.99 per month to use the icemaker. It makes no sense.

When I buy jeans, I don’t want a monthly subscription to the pockets.

And BMW is not the only luxury automaker stroking its chin as it gazes into the lucrative future of microtransactions. Consumer Reports noted that Audi, Cadillac, Porsche and Tesla are “rolling out a subscription model for certain options, meaning consumers would pay monthly or annual fees to use features … even if those features are already built into the car.”

Now, if you can afford a Porsche, maybe it’s no big whoop if you’re suddenly dinged on an ongoing basis for active driving assistance. But what happens if this subscription model catches on with less extravagant manufacturers?

Congratulations, here are the keys to your new Kia. Now, remember, you must pay $15 a month to use the steering wheel.

Nobody reads the fine print. In my time, I have clicked “Agree” hundreds of times and never really known what I was agreeing to. What happens if carmakers decide to take this cash grab into the safety zone? Then one day, you get into a crash and are charged with an Airbag Deployment Levy?

The safety curtain was included in the purchase — until you needed it.

There is no doubt subscriptions are a vital business strategy across many industries. I trust you all subscribe to this great newspaper. If not, well, read the fine print. You now owe me a Jaguar F-Type. I’d like the R model. And I want the Carpathian Gray metallic finish, which is going to cost you an extra $1,700. We can talk about the Blind Spot Assist Package.

And that’s really what this is all about: industry blind spots.

Buying a new car already involves a soul-sucking amount of decision-making. There are dozens of manufacturers. Each brand has several models. Every model has different trims. Every trim has lots of options. And unlike other products, buying a new car has wiggle room at point of purchase.

Just try sauntering into the Gap to haggle over a hoodie.

After a house, a car is the second biggest investment for most people. But you can grow old in that first house. That first house can be your only house. Your house doesn’t have a five-year warranty. Once you buy that house, nobody is charging you a monthly sub to open the blinds or flush the toilet.

It’s time for Big Auto to pull over before it goes too far.

If anything, car execs should be trying to reduce options. They should read psychologist Barry Schwartz’s “The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less.”

Just make cars that are safe and efficient and sell them at a reasonable price. This is not complicated. About a decade ago, my parents were in the market for a new car and settled on a Toyota RAV4. My mom asked me to come with them to the dealership to help negotiate.

We sit down in the sales associate’s office. He writes down a number. Now, to be fair, new cars do not have huge profit margins. But before arriving, I needed to know the manufacturer’s suggested retail price versus dealer cost and any national incentives not advertised. I had to do an inventory scan to see what was on the lot. I had to gauge sales trends, including colour popularity, to calibrate demand.

I read his number. I wrote down my number. Take it or leave it.

They took it. But why must any of us jump through this moonroof?

Psst, hey auto industry, there are already too many options and variables.

Buying a new car is like trying to solve the Rubik’s Cube underwater. Simplify the process. Don’t make it harder by adding monthly subscriptions so we can store footage from the 360 camera or access the spare tire. I refuse to pay indefinitely to open my glovebox or benefit from ABS in slippery conditions.

Listen carefully: I will not subscribe to a turn signal!

Rethink these greedy microtransactions, Big Auto.

Don’t drive us back to the horse and buggy.

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