Opinion | Kim Jong Un tests a scary missile and makes his ambitions clear: He wants to be Tom Cruise in ‘Top Gun’

Could Hollywood offer Kim Jong Un a development deal?

It might save millions of lives. The world is in a dark place. You’ve got psychopath Vladimir Putin committing hourly war crimes in Ukraine. You’ve got Taliban lunatics trying to relegate Afghans — especially females — to the Middle Ages.

And now Kim Jong Un is longing and lunging for the Global Supervillain Spotlight.

On Thursday, North Korea casually tested its Hwasong-17 intercontinental ballistic missile as if it was a new food truck. This “monster missile,” the size of a skyscraper, can be armed with nuclear warheads. According to Reuters: “The Hwasong-17 flew for 67.5 minutes to a range of 1,090 km (681 miles) and a maximum altitude of 6,248.5 km (3,905 miles) and precisely hit a target in the sea …”

Great. North Korea can now detonate a mushroom cloud anywhere on this continent. Nighty-night. But you know what was odd about this chilling showcase?

The 12-minute propaganda reel North Korean state TV blasted on Friday.

We begin with a slo-mo establishing shot, in which Kim Jong Un, flanked by two lieutenants, saunters from a hangar where the Hwasong-17 is on a mobile launch bed. The men check their watches, looking like they’re running late for a Mirvish show. Kim Jong Un, in a leather bomber, rips off his aviators and nods, as if to say: “It’s time. Let’s scare the living daylights out of the West.”

The monster missile rolls out to an end-of-days score — apparently, we will all die to staccato orchestral flourishes in the key of A minor — and clumsy jump cuts that even Michael Bay would find a bit much. Around the 2:20 mark, Kim Jong Un is filmed in Bokeh, slowly walking ahead of his prized missile. He looks like Tom Cruise in “Top Gun,” after too many bowls of kimchi at the karaoke bar. This man is trying to telegraph dangerous dictator. But he comes across as a pudgy action star in a low-budget flop.

There were five different angles of blast-off, including an aerial tracking shot that, honestly, was technically kind of cool. Well, cool until you remember this video is supposed to be a dramatic PSA alerting us to our impending doom. So not cool.

Around the 6-minute mark, Kim Jong Un is in a monitoring sunroom, his tiny hands splayed on French doors as he squints into the sky, trying to locate his weapon of mass destruction as it hurtles into orbit. He smiles sweetly and points into the azure expanse after detecting the shrieking white dot: “Look! There it is! Hurray!”

This week’s missile test was the latest horror to keep us awake at night. I am not making light of it. But I would argue, based on this bonkers video, that Kim Jong Un really wants to be a movie star more than a despot. That much is clear to me.

I don’t think his heart is in rogue pariah anymore. Enrol him in community theatre.

He wants to hang with Pete Davidson. He wants to be footloose and fancy-free.

This is not true of other murderous dictators. Aside from a possible buddy judo film co-starring Steven Seagal, Putin will never return any calls from Universal Pictures. At no point, did Idi Amin long for a cameo in “Dog Day Afternoon.” Never happened.

But this King Jong Un, he is obsessed with our popular culture.

He watches our TV shows. He listens to our music. He binges our sports. He drinks our premium booze. He befriends our premium kooks, including Dennis Rodman. He embraces our fashion, yes, years out of date. He fancies our consumer tech. He must spend five hours a day watching Netflix, skimming GQ, grilling Bobby Flay recipes, getting mani-pedis and shooting hoops with terrified underlings.

And that’s why showbiz must try to short-circuit his tyrant tendencies. It’s worth a shot.

Entertainment is in his blood. His late father, Kim Jong Il, amassed a video collection of more than 30,000 films. Dad watched every Oscar winner. Now, granted, Dad also bragged about inventing the burrito and never defecating. In combo, this seems dubious. But young Kim Jong was raised in a household where Marlon Brando was the man and “The Godfather” was a religious experience. He can recite “Star Wars.”

If he had to pick between nuclear war and going to Vegas with the cast of “Too Hot to Handle,” he’d now be working on pickup lines for Francesca Farago.

Hollywood can’t stop Putin. Only karma — and maybe a less skittish NATO — can stop Putin. But Hollywood can definitely influence Kim Jong Un. Do you know what kind of cyber resources North Korea allegedly deployed to hack Sony Pictures? And they did so because the Supreme Leader hated “The Interview.”

Think about that. Seth Rogen nearly started World War III.

And pop culture still does not grasp its geopolitical power and reach.

Before Sunday’s telecast, if the Oscars offered Kim Jong Un a trophy for his Hwasong-17 video in exchange for knocking it off already with this saber-rattling, he’d agree. If Gal Gadot asked him to come live with her on a kibbutz and contemplate soul mate potential, he’d be packing his spade and agronomist high-tops right now.

Maybe Kim Jong Un just needs a starring role. Maybe there’s a way to distract him from his crazy missile tests as the rest of the world is already plunged into darkness.