My nan is having a fling behind my grandad’s back – should I tell him?

The problem:

I’m always happy to give my mates a laugh but this time I’m not sure the situation is as funny as I’m making out. 

Long story short, my nan is having a fling behind my grandad’s back, and I’ve caught her out.  

I took my girlfriend to a pub quite a way from where we live and to my horror, spotted my grandmother in the corner with a guy about twenty years younger. 

She didn’t see us because as soon as I clocked her, I told my girlfriend we had to leave. But I took some time to spy on her from behind a pillar just to make sure she wasn’t arranging a new mortgage or something. 

Since that doesn’t usually involve holding hands and acting like a love-struck teenager, I don’t think that’s what she was doing, so after I satisfied myself that she was definitely with a toyboy lover, I left. 

I haven’t told my own mum (whose mother it is) but I can barely look at my nan or speak to her, especially when she comes over with grandad acting all fake and jolly, like everything’s normal between them. 

Last time they visited, my mum actually told me I was rude because I virtually ignored her. It kills me that my grandad is being made a fool of, and nobody knows. 

Nan is attractive for her age, I’ll give her that, but that’s no excuse to act like an old tart. 

Laura says…

I get that it’s a shock for you to discover your nan is not conforming to the image of a lovable old lady whose only thought is for her family. But what she gets up to in her personal relationships is really none of your business, any more than you would expect her to pass judgement on your private life. 

Although I think a lot of your outrage is caused by the horror you feel that at her age, she could still get the urge, I also understand that you feel for your grandad, who seems to be the victim in all this. 

That said, you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors, or the intimate details of your grandparents’ relationship. Maybe your nan finds something with this young guy, that she doesn’t find at home. 

I often say you shouldn’t get involved in other people’s relationships, but as you seem to have told all your mates about granny’s indiscretion, it is surely only a matter of time before the story leaks out. 

Taking grandad’s welfare into consideration, you should confide in your mum and tell her what you saw. She may be shocked and hurt but might know things you don’t and will undoubtedly want to talk to her own mother about this. 

For your grandfather’s sake, your nan should at least be told that she’s been seen and that her indiscreet behaviour is unfair and unkind. 

Then just walk away and leave them all to sort their own problems out.  

Laura is a counsellor and columnist.

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