‘My in-laws disappeared when my wife died – now they want to move in’
A widower said his late wife’s parents have demanded to move in with him after offering little to no help when their daughter died. The dad shared his familial woes after a heated exchange with his father-in-law after he demanded to be looked after. The man said his in-laws insisted his wife had promised to look after them in their old age and he now needed to deliver on her pledge.
The Reddit user said: “In my wife’s culture, it is customary for children to take care of their parents in their old age.
“Her parents very much expected this of her. This was something my wife talked to me extensively about before and during our marriage.”
His late wife had previously insisted on having her parents move in with them but ultimately agreed to look for a separate condo where they could live independently.
But the plan collapsed after she died and the in-laws mostly stayed away from him and his children in the three years after his wife’s death.
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He continued: “However, my FIL recently retired and reached out to me about honouring my wife’s promise to help take care of them in their old age.
“I flat out told him that I cannot honour that promise. He got upset and told me that this was something that his daughter had promised him and his wife and as her husband, it is now my responsibility to keep that promise.
“I told him that I have 3 kids to provide for and I do not have the time, energy, or money to provide for 2 more people.
“He told me I was disgracing my wife’s honour and memory and that he knew it was a mistake for her to marry outside of her culture.”
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The dad also said the father-in-law later apologised for his outburst, saying they could “work something out that will be beneficial for everyone.”
The man offered to have him and his wife move in to help with the children but he once again insisted he could not afford to house them, pointing out he had managed the kids by himself for three years without their help.
He added: “He again tried to tell me that I need to do this to honour his daughter’s memory as this was something that she promised to him and his wife.
“I told him that sadly, that promise died with his daughter. He said something to me in his native language that I’m assuming from his tone was not a compliment and hung up on me.”
Reddit users offered their support to the man, insisting his priorities should be on the children and that he could not be expected to support his in-laws.
A woman going by the username Majestic-Web-3570, who admitted to going through a similar situation, said: “Your priorities are your child and yourself. You matter. Your needs matter. You are categorically NTA.
“They abandoned their daughter’s children for three years. They’ve only resurfaced because they want something from you. Truly, you’re NTA.
“Don’t feel bad for one more second. Care for yourself and your family. I wish you all the best. I’m so sorry for your loss.”
Redditor ParsimoniousSalad said: “Odd that he didn’t take this up with you until after he made the choice to retire and stop supporting himself.
“Apparently it also didn’t occur to him that you had only one income rather than the two you might have had to try to take care of more than just your immediate family.”
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