A key part of having children is thinking about whether, and when, to expand your family.
Some parents opt for larger gaps between their kids, while others have them close together.
For example, Stacey Solomon announced today she’s expecting a ‘surprise’ baby with husband Joe Swash, fourteen months after the birth of their girl Rose.
It’s also Stacey’s third pregnancy in as many years, which may strike fear into the hearts of some parents struggling to cope with a single toddler.
But for others, containing the chaos and exhaustion of those early years makes a lot more sense – and whatever the reason and methods, there are benefits and drawbacks to when you decide to have children.
Claire Gleave, a 43-year-old maternity sportswear brand founder from the Cotswolds, had three children in the space of just four years.
Her reasons for having children so close to each other stems from her own childhood, as well as their children’s future plans.
‘It was a conscious decision,’ Claire tells Metro.co.uk.
‘My husband and I come from families with three children; the first two are close together and there is a big gap between child two and three.’
As the oldest sibling in the family, Claire saw how her mother found it hard as a single parent to have one child at home after she and her sister moved out.
‘We also ideally wanted two school years between each,’ she adds. ‘Although now I realise we’ll potentially have two lots of A Levels and GCSES so I am not sure how wise that idea was!’
For Rosie Parsons, 40, a brand photographer from Exeter, her youngest was a ‘happy surprise’, with an age gap of seventeen months between him and her triplets.
‘We had the triplets through fertility treatment so there was a lot of time spent in hospital being monitored,’ she tells Metro.co.uk. ‘It was a welcome surprise getting pregnant naturally and having the whole experience that most mums go through.’
Fertility issues and your own childhood will likely factor into what you want your brood to look like – and these are perfectly valid considerations that can only be decided by you.
Being pregnant with little ones to care for
With pregnancy being a huge ordeal already, having littles ones to constantly run after adds to the challenge.
It’s worth considering whether you’re physically and mentally able to cope with this, as well as how much help you have to lessen the load.
‘Pregnancy was tough with my little ones – especially with a three and two year old to run after,’ Claire says.
While the first few months of her third pregnancy ‘wasn’t that bad’ with no morning sickness, she did need to sleep a lot – when possible.
While her first two babies had a straightforward recovery, she suffered from severe prolapse after her third.
‘I think it was largely down to having the children in quick succession and not realising the damage they caused on the way out,’ says the mum.
Siblings close in age can become friends
Having children close to each other means they’ll of a similar age – so tend to enjoy doing the same things together.
This is one of the main benefits for the parents we spoke to, but you may prefer to leave extra time between babies to help them carve out an individual identity.
As ever, it’s what works best for your family.
Rosie says: ‘Ever since they were toddlers, the children communicated with each other so well – having so many children so close in age is amazing.
‘They entertain each other, have similar interests and enjoy the same activities.’
While there’s the ‘normal sibling squabbles’ her children will go off to play with each other ‘for hours’ and on the whole, are very close.
Logistical benefits
For Claire, having children of a similar age made life a lot easier as they were going through stages at the same time.
‘The biggest benefit is the logistical benefits of doing the same things together,’ she says.
‘When they were little, the older two napped for two hours at the same time every day – that was amazing.’
During the toddler stages, her children would be interested in the same baby groups and doing activities like soft play, which made weekends a lot easier for her.
While all her children have different characters now, they’re all ‘such great company for each other’ and get along very well.
‘It was a godsend in lockdown when they didn’t miss school that much as they all had each other to play with,’ Claire adds.
The first two years are hardest
If you want to be like Stacey Solomon and have multiple children in quick succession, remember that things may feel overwhelming – especially at the start.
‘It was a very intense time – but they don’t stay dependent and little for long,’ Rosie says.
Speaking about the first two years, she adds: ‘Sometimes people would grumble when my quad buggy would get in their way. I remember one time that happened in a cafe and I burst into tears.’
For Claire, the lack of sleep at this time was particularly tough.
‘My eldest started school the week after my youngest was born,’ she says. ‘Despite having one less at home during the day, it mean no lazing around to recover from a bad night.’
In the end, she started co-sleeping with her youngest in the first six months just to grab any last bit of sleep she could.
Illnesses in a household full of tiny children was also a major challenge, and Claire says she thinks she’s ‘blacked out a lot of those days.’
While she argues things are much easier now they can run to the loo to be sick themselves, for example, it’s worth looking at worst-case scenarios to figure out your family plan.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help – you’ll need it
For Rosie, it was ‘extremely hard work’ having four children under the age of two.
Sometimes, it meant relying on the kindness of others, from strangers eager to help to her friend Jean who’d visit weekly and offer her some respite.
As well as that, a lady called Su from Homestart, a charity to help parents who feel overwhelmed, made a massive difference to her life.
‘It was [amazing] to have that little break to have a bath or sleep – or to see a friend for coffee without having to wrangle the children in a cafe,’ Rosie says.
Her biggest advice for parents is to ‘ask for help when you need it.’
‘The exhaustion might feel like it will never end, but it does get a little easier every day,’ she says.
Whether you’d like your own football team or a pair of children with decades between them, be sure not to see things through rose-tinted glasses.
There’s no such thing as a perfect family, just the perfect family for you.
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