Mum judged for ‘rewarding’ only child struggling to ‘share’ attention
The mother-of-one took to the internet to ask others whether she was “in the wrong” for buying her child a gift to unwrap at the baby shower. She explained that as the only grandchild in the family, the eight-year-old girl was having a “hard time sharing the attention” with her auntie’s unborn baby. And people were quick to persuade the mother not to “reward” her child’s jealous behaviour.
Posting on the popular forum, Reddit, the woman wrote: “When my sister found out she was pregnant, my daughter had a hard time sharing the attention.
“She gets upset when anyone talks about the baby, touches my sister’s baby bump, or when they buy the new baby stuff without buying her something.
“I know this behaviour isn’t okay, but I feel like my daughter is struggling. I’ve tried reading books, reassuring her, and even talking to our paediatrician. Nothing is working.”
With just weeks to go before the arrival of her sister’s baby, the frustrated mother explained that a last-minute baby shower had put her in an awkward situation.
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The party, which had been organised by the pregnant woman’s mother-in-law, was too short notice for the Reddit poster to get a babysitter.
She said: “I don’t have a sitter and my husband is going to be working. I have no other choice but to bring my daughter.
“I know she will have a bad reaction to my sister’s baby being showered with gifts, so I thought about bringing her a small gift to unwrap during the shower.
“I don’t think my sister will be upset, but I don’t know about her wife. My sister-in-law often gets frustrated with me about how my daughter acts.”
The author of the Reddit post hoped that the tension between her child and the baby would be resolved once the eight-year-old “has a cousin to play with”, but others were quick to offer her alternative advice.
One person replied to post: “The whole shower will be about the baby. One gift isn’t going to make your daughter behave. You should just stay home and keep your daughter with you. Otherwise, she’s going to expect a gift every time there’s a special occasion for the baby.”
To this, another Reddit user agreed: “Exactly. She’s also old enough to get the ‘you are loved but you’re not the centre of the universe’ and to be told that more cousins might be a possibility.”
Many forum users urged the mother not to attend her sister’s baby shower and be honest about the reason why.
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Some people recommended simply explaining that this is because she wouldn’t want her daughter’s behaviour to “spoil the event”.
But others suggested not “burdening” her sister with the parenting dilemma, and instead, stating that she just can’t make it.
However, other Reddit users blamed the mother for her child’s behaviour, questioning the young girl’s behaviour in other group situations.
One person commented: “She’s eight…has she never been to another child’s birthday party, or watched someone else open a Christmas gift, or watched someone get an award or a compliment?”
They went on to add that “the problem” was with the parent for suggesting a gift would be an appropriate response.
Another added: “A present would be rewarding her daughter for her unacceptable behaviour. Terrible idea.”
But while some people judged the mum for encouraging the girl’s jealous tendencies, one person pointed out that the child may have a point.
They wrote: “It’s also possible that the rest of the family is making things worse. If they went from “you are special because you are the baby of the family” to “new baby on the way, you aren’t special anymore”, and there’s been an obvious change in how much time and attention they give to the child, it’s natural for her to be extremely upset and act out.”
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