A mum has shared her frustration over her 20-year-old son’s refusal to work and poor personal hygiene.
Posting to Mumsnet, the mother-of-four sought advice after reaching her ‘wits’ end’ over her eldest child’s behaviour, describing him as ‘lazy’ and ‘dirty’.
The woman explained that the problems with her son started when he dropped out of university after the first term around 18 months ago.
He initially didn’t tell his parents he’d quit the course, saying when they finally found out weeks later that he ‘wanted to chill’ over the Christmas break.
The young man’s jobseeking efforts were ‘non-existent’ for the next two months, so his dad eventually found him a job on a zero hours’ contract.
While this improved family relations at first, the mum claimed her son’s cleanliness has been ‘a constant cause of arguments’ in the house, as he has resorted to doing ‘the bare minimum to get by’ since moving home.
‘His room was a dirty, dirty hovel with a smell coming out (think plates, food, rubbish etc all over floor, carpet ruined, walls filthy),’ she said.
‘We are quite house proud and I resent the smell upstairs – it’s a joke. He never contributes to household chores, despite countless conversations about it.’
Things have deteriorated recently as the 20-year-old’s working hours have been reduced to around one or two shifts per week. But although his parents told him he needs to get a full-time job, sending him links to relevant positions and offering advice on hiring, he’s less than enthusiastic.
‘He does nothing,’ read the post. ‘He sleeps all the time and games all night, sat in his filth.’
Despite the woman and her husband trying to bring their son out of his shell with a holiday, she says he spent most of the time in his hotel room and now ‘barely speaks’ to them, wearing headphones around the house and ignoring the rest of the family.
‘He eats meals if we cook, otherwise lives off sandwiches and cereal,’ the mum added. ‘I have had enough, it’s intolerable.’
When the couple broached the topic of work with their adult son this week, a row ensued where he ‘snarled he’d apply for jobs’ but told his parents they ‘shouldn’t speak to him at all anymore.’
The woman continued: ‘I just don’t know what to try next. I’ve explained to him over and over before yesterday, this is his chance to build his career, we are supporting him whilst he does that.
‘He’s not though, he is quite happy to do nothing and wait until it’s at breaking point – which is where I am at.’
The majority of responses expressed anger at the son’s lack of motivation, with many recommending she put strict expectations in place along with consequences if his behaviour doesn’t improve.
‘If he continues on the path he is on set him a deadline to leave,’ said one. ‘Time for some tough love.’
‘He is a freeloader who is not going to change unless made to,’ commented another, while a third wrote: ‘Kick him out! He doesn’t respect you at all.’
Others suggested he may be going through mental health struggles and a gentler approach was needed.
‘Becoming an adult is hard, “failing” at uni is hard, falling behind your peers is hard, disappointing your parents is hard,’ said one user. ‘I think your son needs love and compassion.’
Another added: ‘If he likes gaming why not pay for him to do a course in coding or graphics so he can work in game design? Find something for him he would actually enjoy doing. Then say you will pay for training on conditions he respects the house’
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