Mr. Hanky vs. Scrooge McDuck? It’s Britt’s Nonsense Holiday Battle!

The soft sounds of a humanoid duck diving into pools of gold coins almost cover the squishy sound of little turd feet walking into the room; Mr. Hanky, the Christmas Poo, is looking to beat the sh*t out of Scrooge McDuck. Obviously, this isn’t a usual scenario, and you’re probably wondering if Mr. Hanky’s wearing his Santa hat for the occasion. Of course, he is…he’s a classy turd. Scrooge McDuck is oddly not wearing his top hat, but he has his glasses on so he can see the audacity of this bitch. Two strong souls fight at this moment for a holiday crown, but only one may claim it.

Mr. Hanky has an odd yet impressive amount of strength because he somehow brought along his porcelain throne and threatened to beat Scrooge McDuck senselessly with the lid. Scrooge McDuck isn’t one to back down from a good fight, but he also believes he can simply offer or, better yet, throw money at the problem, and it’ll go away. No money is worth it to Mr. Hankey, but he does manage to sneak some of the gold coins into the back tank of the toilet he brought. Realizing he can’t win this without getting his hands dirty, Scrooge McDuck readies himself in the weirdest way possible, and that’s through being completely in the nude. 

Scrooge McDuck does some light stretching in the nude and proceeds to dive back into the mountains of his gold coins. Creeping around like one of the creatures from Tremors until he comes to the surface to see that Mr. Hanky has disappeared from the spot beside his toilet. Hearing distant and close giggles, Scrooge McDuck twists and turns to spot the sneaky turd. All of a sudden he hears a loud and terrifying “Howdy Ho!” and looks up as Mr. Hanky descends upon him from above. Mr. Hanky improvised in the depths of the coins, for he is a crafty little shit. He drives his DIY shiv made from a heavy candy cane he found in the pile of coins into Scrooge McDuck’s chest. Scrooge McDuck attempts to push past the pain, but he soon blacks out and poetically falls back onto his treasures. Mr. Hanky sighs with a sense of relief and says to his fallen competitor, “And stay down you creepy nude duck.”

Britt’s Nonsense Holiday Battle Winner: Mr. Hanky!