Love bombing often goes undetected because the act itself can seem loving and caring at times. Love bombing is when someone overwhelms you with words, actions and behaviour to manipulate you, or win you over for their own means. Valentine’s Day is a classic time for love bombers to put the work in. Think you’re being manipulated by excessive praise and gifts? Express.co.uk chatted to two experts to find out the four signs your partner is love bombing you.
Love bombing is one of the scariest tactics used by narcissists, abusers and just downright bad people because it’s very tricky for victims to spot the manipulative behaviour.
The technique can be defined as excessive attention, admiration and affection, all with the aim of manipulating someone to rely on you or feel like they owe you something.
While love bombing is often intentional, it can sometimes be an unconscious act by a prospective lover who is “avoidant in their attachment style”.
According to relationship psychotherapist Heather Garbutt, these people are likely to rush in really fast and intensely, sweeping you off your feet and then rush back out, leaving you in shock.
Heather said: “You may have been the object of someone’s absolute attention and then you suddenly find yourself back on your own.”
Michelle Begy, founder of Ignite Dating added: “Love bombing is a form of emotional abuse and can be incredibly detrimental to your mental health, particularly once that power in the relationship has been gained.
“At that stage, your partner can get you to do almost anything for fear of that attention and perceived perception of love being withdrawn at any moment, making you incredibly vulnerable in your relationship and often with no external support network to rely on.”
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The reason why love bombing might feel good in the moment is that your partner is trying to make you think they can give you everything you ever wanted.
Heather explained: “Love bombing, from a practical point of view, is when your prospective partner appears to be able to meet all of your needs, to please you, really tune into you and anticipate your needs, even giving you things you might not even have entertained was possible.
“They can become obsessed with you, say that they can’t live without you, can’t sleep thinking about you.
“It might make you feel very important and loved at the time, but can be a preamble for more controlling behaviour.”
Excessive attention
It’s normal to want to feel as if someone is giving you lots of attention and showing an interest in your life.
When you’re dating and you first start talking to someone, elements of their personality will trigger us to want to continue the conversation with that person and encourage us to meet face to face if you’re only chatting online.
If someone is paying attention to who we are and asks questions to find out more, it generally tends to signal a level of interest on their part and in turn, reassure us that meeting up is the right decision.
However, too much attention or too many compliments can sometimes be a problem.
Michelle Begy, founder of Ignite Dating said: “There is a fine line between someone taking a genuine interest and someone who is showering you with excessive attention and flattery to get the upper hand in the relationship.
“The problem is, often it’s hard to recognise when you are in that moment.
“If you’re particularly vulnerable following a bad relationship or break up, when the person you’re newly dating is telling you that you’re their soulmate and that you’re all they’ve ever wanted, it can lead you into a false sense of security and cause you to fall harder and faster than you usually would.”
Extravagant gifts
If your love language is gift-giving and receiving, you have to be particularly careful of this one.
While an all-expenses-paid trip across the world or a new car may seem a reasonable gift for a couple that has been together for years and is celebrating a significant milestone, for someone that you’ve just met or not long been dating it is over-the-top.
Michelle said: “Surprising a new partner with lavish gifts is a common way for ‘love bombers’ to exert influence and sweep you off your feet.
“The problem lies in the fact that this overwhelming process of constant attention, flattery and gifts means that you don’t register the danger of the relationship and instead lose yourself in the romanticism of the moment.”
Too much time alone
In the early stages of a relationship, it’s natural to want to spend a lot of time with your new partner.
After all, you’re exploring the possibilities of the relationship and getting to know each other better.
However, if your partner is pushing to spend all their time with you, it is likely to be a red flag that you need to take note of.
Michelle explained: “Often, those guilty of love-bombing have other personality traits that could be detrimental to a healthy relationship, such as narcissism, leading them to shower you with attention and flattery as a way of isolating you from the support network of your friends and family.”
Moving too fast
Whirlwind romances may seem romantic on the big screen, but sometimes you have to come back to reality.
Making a commitment to someone so early in the relationship can have disastrous consequences down the line.
Michelle said: “Can you honestly say that after a month of dating someone you know enough about them to move in together, get married or even have a child? Probably not.
“So, while the romance can be overwhelming, don’t let it cloud your judgement and cause you to make a huge decision without truly thinking it over first.
“If you’re in doubt, speak to a neutral third-party as often an outsider’s perspective can help you realise the relationship for what it is.”
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