‘I’m pregnant at 17, what should I do?’

This week, we hear from a reader who’s pregnant at the age of 17. Her mum thinks she should have an abortion, but she isn’t so sure. Below, she gets some advice.

Before you go, read last week’s dilemma, where a man admitted he’s only able to last 30 seconds in bed, because he fancies his girlfriend so much.

The problem…

I was a virgin until I met my boyfriend at college last year. Our relationship is great in every way, but I’ll be honest, we have both been a bit careless about sex. Now I have a problem because I’m pregnant at 17 and my mum is furious. She had high hopes for me, as she herself had me in her teens and says that having a baby so young wrecked her chances of the life she dreamed of.

Mum has had a succession of unsuitable boyfriends and rubbish jobs, so her ambitions have never been fulfilled. I don’t doubt she loves me, but sometimes I feel like she wants to correct all her mistakes through me.

Although she doesn’t dislike my boyfriend, I know he is a bit of a disappointment. He isn’t really ambitious but maybe having a baby would change that.

I feel very torn, as I do love him but also know that there is so much more out there. Half of me wants to get off our estate and go for it, and the other half wants to settle down to family life. Meanwhile, everybody’s on at me to do something different. My boyfriend wants me to keep the baby, my mum wants me to have a termination. I just can’t decide what to.

Laura says…

Having a young daughter of my own, I really feel for your mum. But this is a complex issue, and something for family expert, Dr Angharad Rudkin, to address.

‘You’re at a crossroads in your life, and everyone around you has a different opinion on what path you should take.’ she says. ‘Their views are as much to do with their own experiences and how that has made them feel, as they are about what’s best for you.’

Dr Rudkin asks you to think about your own values and what’s important to you in life. ‘Concentrate on your future and where you would like to be this time next year. Then take the actions that move you towards this outcome.’

A year will go very quickly and focussing on this time frame, rather than long-term goals, will help you figure out your next move.

‘Whatever you decide, remember there are nearly always second chances along the way.’ she says. ’Not just a second chance to have a baby, but also a second chance to have a career. Think carefully before you come to any conclusions.’

No one here wants to tell you what to do; it’s important that you make the decision for yourself and aren’t left feeling angry because other people’s opinions have made you act a certain way. So, ignore your mum and boyfriend and listen to that little voice inside your head.

You need to act quickly and decide whether a termination is the right option. Don’t hope that a baby will change your boyfriend, just think about yourself. You’re still only 17 and have a long future ahead of you; which way are you going to go?

Dr Angharad Rudkin is a clinical psychologist and co-author of What’s My Child Thinking and The Split Survival Kit. Laura is a counsellor and columnist.