I’m 21 and sleeping with my mate’s mum, do I tell him?

The problem

I’m 21 and for the past six months I’ve been having a secret fling with my best mate’s mum. She’s a single parent who’s just 36 and looks a lot younger.

It’s a standing joke among the lads that this guy’s mum is really hot. She often goes out and parties with her friends, and it was on one of these nights that I got together with her.

She was in a nightclub looking gorgeous and we chatted, as I’ve known her since I was a schoolboy.

To be honest, I’ve probably lusted after her since I was about 13, and
that night it was obvious that the sexual chemistry between us was
off the scale.

We ended up going back to her place and having the best sex ever. Since then, we get together whenever we can.

It’s more than just sex for both of us, though, and we do have date nights, though they’re never near where we live in case we’re spotted.

I don’t think my mate would appreciate the fact that I’m having it away with his mum. I feel guilty that it’s all happening behind his back.

I’m not saying it will last for ever, but for now it feels right. I just don’t know the right way to deal with it.

Laura says:

Maybe because your friend’s mum had a child so young, she never really got the chance to go wild during her teens and 20s, so she’s making up for it now.

I would say that, at your respective ages, you’re both free to have affairs
with whoever you want, but your description of ‘having it away’ slightly concerns me. You say that your relationship is based on more than sex, but that choice of words doesn’t feel respectful or as if you really care for her. I hope I’m wrong.

If it’s just a physical thing, and the culmination of a fantasy you’ve had since you were 13, I’d urge a bit of caution. It’s highly likely that someone – probably your girlfriend – will get hurt, and the longer the affair continues, the deeper the pain will be.

On the other hand, if your relationship is genuinely based on more than just sex, don’t worry about the age gap. It’s no big deal for your girlfriend to be older than you. It happens often these days, but be honest with your mate and give him time to get used to the situation.

It’s bound to feel weird for him at first, but let the idea sink in a bit. I’m sure he would want his mum to be happy, and if happiness is what she gets from you, then he will eventually come round.

Please treat your mate’s mum with respect, especially if you value your friendship. No one can see into the future, but if you do eventually decide to end the relationship, then please do it gracefully, face to face. That’s the least she deserves.

The experts

Laura Collins is a counsellor and columnist

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