I used to worry about my toddler’s tantrums at home – now I’m grateful for them

But because Immy was acting up, we were running late. As ever.

Yet, it wasn’t just the fact that we were meant to have left half an hour ago. I knew my mam was right.

Immy was an angel when her and my dad looked after my little girl on a Monday and all of the nursery staff adored her when she went there from Tuesday to Thursday.

Yet, when she was at home with us, she was forever bursting into tears because she didn’t want to wear the pyjamas she had picked out just moments ago, or she was shouting at us for making the wrong dinner.

I felt like a failure, wondering what on earth we were doing wrong. Why was she so different with us, compared to everyone else?

I suddenly remembered: the bottle of Cola. And then, just like Julie Andrews sang in The Sound of Music, I didn’t feel so bad.

The bottle of Cola analogy is something I read a few years ago, when we’d just had Immy and Theo was right in the middle of his terrible twos – it’s something that has stuck with me ever since, and given me much needed comfort.  

I can’t believe I’d let it slip my mind for a second there.

The thing is, as parents we are our children’s safe space

For those of you who haven’t come across it before, in a nutshell, this particular analogy compares children to a bottle of Cola. Yes I know, it’s a bit out there, but let me explain.

Basically, it explains that from the minute they wake up, our children are being instructed to get dressed, brush their teeth, and have their breakfast.

They’re not being quick enough, they’re watching the television instead of putting on their shoes, you’re going to be late.

Then, they go to nursery or school, where they spend the whole day following rules they don’t necessarily understand, trying to make sense of who they’re with and what they’re doing.

Another child will take the toy they’re playing with and they’re told, ‘sharing is caring’ but when they try to take a book from another child, they’re instructed not to snatch it.

They have to line up at lunch time, eat foods they haven’t chosen, maybe ones they haven’t tried before. They are encouraged to play but they’re not allowed to shout, they have to sit still at story time and work out when they need the toilet.

Each one of these little interactions or incidents is like a bump, fizzing them up inside as they struggle to desperately keep their lid closed and behave.

So is it any wonder that by the end of the day, when they get home, it only takes the slightest thing – the straw that broke the camel’s back – to pop their lid and suddenly, before we even know, they’re exploding everywhere, their pent-up emotions suddenly all over the place?

The thing is, as parents we are our children’s safe space; the people they can just let rip with. So that is why we get the massive meltdowns, the tears and the tantrums.

Think about it, it’s hard enough for us adults to deal with our emotions. How often do you find yourself coming home, stomping up and down the stairs while you slag off your boss to your partner or pals?

Tantrums are just a toddler’s way of doing exactly the same thing. They just don’t have the words or experience to do it any other way.

And let’s be honest, I’d much prefer for Immy to know how to behave in public with others, and keep all of the worst bits for us. It shows she trusts us enough to let it all out and knows that we will love her anyway. And that’s the way it should be.

So if you’re at your wit’s end, pulling your hair out as to why your little one is screaming blue murder because you’ve given them the red plate rather than the blue one, or you’ve put on Peppa Pig rather than Cocomelon, then please, don’t feel bad.

It shows that you’re doing the right thing. That your child trusts you enough to let it all go in front of you.

Even if the result is just as messy as if a real bottle of Cola has exploded everywhere.