‘I told my date to delete my number after he asked the staff to pay half’

On the Facebook group “Feminine vibes – levelling up for the high valued woman”, a member asked “what to do if a man who first pretends he is a gentleman then wants to split the date cost”.

She asked other group members for advice on “what to do” when the bill arrives and he says he believes in “50/50 and gender equality”.

“How do you manage that situation? Excuse yourself and leave (without you paying anything)? Or do you try to convince him you don’t believe in splitting the bills?”

Hundreds of women took to the comments section to share their stories with one saying she was left mortified after a man told her he wanted to split the bill on the first date.

She recommended: “I matched his non-argumentative energy, and simply stated my own preference with a smile. For me, this is key, not getting triggered into an argument or talking about the future.

“Therefore, unphased, I told him (even if he doesn’t ask my opinion directly) that I would love it if he paid; at this point, we are on the first date, and I don’t want to start talking about the whole relationship and my stand on 50/50, since I’ve decided we won’t be having another date (but he doesn’t know that yet).

“Each of these times where this happened, the guy has ended up paying even though his preference wasn’t. I say thank you. If they ask me out again, I say I enjoyed my time but I’m not interested.”

On Reddit, a woman admitted she left early after a man “made me go half on the first date”. He reportedly chose the time and place, and she offered to pay for the first round of drinks, although she didn’t think he would let her. “But he said ‘It’s ok you can pay for the next’.”

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He paid for the drinks and appetiser, which was £45 but then, “we made it to dinner and it rounded up to about £70,” which she had to pay.

She explained: “This is extremely unattractive to me only because it was a first date. He knew he would get me to pay for dinner and ordered more appetisers and lots of extras. He chose the place and initiated the date but I ended up paying.”

Another woman revealed that she once went out with a man who “didn’t initiate the conversation” but simply “asked the staff to pay half”.

The annoyed woman mentioned her preference but the man replied: “Well too bad, I won’t do that.” She added: “He’d been rude and anxious throughout the date, I regret not seeing the signs when we were planning the date, and this is the only one where I regret not leaving during the date itself.”

Another one said she once excused herself to the bathroom and “left that between him and God,” and group member Ann explained she “walked away from a date at a juice bar that didn’t offer to get me one”.

Some women admitted paying for the whole bill, but “I asked him to delete my number after”. She reportedly told him: “If we are going to further our relations please understand that I am interested in something serious, 50/50 dates are what I do with my cousins. If you want to be my man you are going to have to act accordingly and that means actively investing in getting to know me.”

Another group member said she once paid for the whole bill but told him: “I didn’t realise you were struggling I’m so sorry, it will get better, and never spoke to him again.” A Facebook user added: “I left early, but I would pay if he made a fuss. I wouldn’t trouble the waiter.”