I haven’t seen my daughter since 2019 because my ex turned her against me

Back in 1992, I packed in a successful business to travel the world – eventually settling in Spain.

There, I met my now ex-wife, Camila* – and, in 2006, I gave birth to our daughter, Isabella*. 

But little did I know that the woman of my dreams would be the source of my worst nightmare.

That she’d turn our child – my only child – against me.

Isabella was my miracle. I was in my late thirties when Camila and I decided to have a baby via artificial insemination, and I was told by fertility doctors that I had just a 16% chance of falling pregnant.

Camila legally adopted Isabella, and life was perfect – for a while. 

We visited my family back in the UK at least twice a year, and Isabella loved the trips. She idolised her cousins, and British heritage – I truly thought I’d secured my fairytale ending.

Except, in 2015, Camila told me she’d met someone else. She was leaving Isabella, then eight, and I.

But it was more complicated than I first thought.

Though I’d been paying the mortgage and bills for a home that felt like mine, it belonged to Camila. I wasn’t in the deeds, and she wanted us out so she could move her new partner and child in. 

Under Spanish law, I didn’t have a leg to stand on.

I was heartbroken, not just at the thought of losing my wife – but of Isabella and I being homeless.

Thankfully, with the help of family and friends, we found somewhere else. If anything, it made Isabella and I stronger – especially since, whenever Isabella went to stay with Camila and her ‘new family’, she’d get treated horribly. 

Pushed, pulled, threatened, and shouted at in public – sometimes she’d come home with bruises, and naturally was distraught. Terrified.

Isabella told me that Camila and this new woman locked her in her room, took her phone away. 

Once, she came home with a huge bruise on her back. Camila denied it all.

Camila’s aggressive behaviour towards Isabella was understandably damaging their relationship, so we saw two child psychologists over a period of about eight months to try and rectify this. 

Both agreed that Camila’s behaviour was inappropriate, recommending a gentler approach that included a gradual introduction to her new partner. 

This only triggered Camila’s behaviour to go from bad to worse – so much so that parents who witnessed her violence towards our daughter when it was her day to pick Isabella up, reported it to the school as they were so distressed. They even started sending me photos, which broke my heart.

The court ruled that I was only to see my daughter for two and a half hours each week, in a supervised centre

Thankfully a preliminary hearing in the Spanish courts gave me full custody, with Camila being given access over alternate weekends and two afternoons a week. 

Sadly, the very same judge would soon take my rights away just as easily.

Camila kept pushing, and the following year, she decided she wanted a divorce and full custody. She filed on the basis that I was an unfit parent, and demanded I be seen by a court psychologist.

At first, I was shocked. But after spending just an hour with a random psychologist, where I explained about Camila’s behaviour – the abuse and injuries – clearly nothing I said was accepted.

They wrote a report going against my evidence – all the hospital reports, against everything, and claimed that Isabella’s rejection of Camila was my fault.

After the report, I eventually found out through Facebook that this psychologist was friends with Camila, and that the person who went as a witness for my ex was the court psychologist’s best friend. They’ve since deleted their accounts.

To my horror, the psychologist ordered our daughter to be taken away from me and sent to live with my ex. The court ruled that I was only to see my daughter for two and a half hours each week, in a supervised centre.

My world turned upside down.

In July 2016, my biological child was taken away from me with force. At that point, we were in a hotel with my mum and our cousins. The police dragged Isabella off hysterically screaming and crying.

That moment will stay branded on my memory for the rest of my life.

I cannot even begin to describe the pain I felt – I couldn’t even bear to go into her bedroom for years as it hurt too much. 

I hardly ate, or slept. I had panic attacks, wondering if she was OK – it’s been this way since then.

In my eyes, she’d been kidnapped by my coercive, controlling ex.

That moment will stay branded on my memory for the rest of my life

For two years, I saw Isabella in supervised centre visits – and that time was magical, if heartbreaking and impersonal as we constantly had eyes on us.

At first, my daughter was glowing – happy, excitable, chatty. She begged me to video call her family back in England, who’d been denied visiting rights. 

All of the supervisor reports written for the courts were in favour of me – and kept saying that we shouldn’t be there. 

I kept fighting the courts, with new reports and evidence, but kept getting turned away. Losing money, but never faith. 

I felt like I was being punished for something I didn’t do.

But then, one day, something changed. Isabella became withdrawn, and sad – revealing that Camila read her text messages and had banned her from speaking to her UK family. Even staff at the supervision centre commented that she’d changed.

I started to worry that Camila was threatening her. That she was brainwashing and gaslighting her against me.

Suddenly, Isabella started blaming me for what had happened – telling me it was my fault for her being taken away. It was like a switch had been flipped.

She replied to my messages less, until she cut off all contact. Refused to attend our visits. Blocked me – on everything.

If I turned up to her school, she’d run away and refuse to see me even though I still had parental rights to access. 

The last time I saw Isabella was in 2019, when I filed on the basis of parental alienation. I lost.

My daughter told the judge that she didn’t want to see me, nor anyone from her past. 

Now, she refuses to talk to me or meet me, and I have been forced to move back to the UK. I ran out of money, and my mental health took a nosedive.

Isabella is 16 and my ex has gaslighted and brainwashed her to the point that she is totally alienated from me and her whole British family. 

Isabella has gone through what no child should, and it breaks my heart.

It destroys me from the inside. I put on a brave face, and keep myself busy while I save up to keep fighting.

But this pales in comparison to what has been done to Isabella. It’s a travesty of justice – a crime. Isabella is a totally innocent victim, and has grown up around such toxicity to the point that she doesn’t know the truth from lies.

How can a court allow such clear gaslighting and emotional abuse to happen? 

I’ve exhausted all court procedures, and was dismissed through appeals. I will never give up fighting though, and I will find a way. I’m even hoping to speak to a pro bono lawyer who will help me get my case to the European Court of Human Rights – or wherever the fight needs to go.

Maybe, just maybe, Isabella will see sense and reach out. But, until then, I don’t know anything about my daughter, or her life now, and it’s been soul-destroying. I feel like I’m mourning her.

It’s every family’s nightmare but for me, now, this is real life. This is my life – but the fight in me will never end.

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