How To React When Someone Shares Their Trauma With Us

People who have experienced trauma in their lives can occasionally be reluctant to open up to us and reveal their darkest secrets and anxieties. The main reason for this is that they had already attempted it and were treated with scorn, dismissal, and blame. The worst part is not having their feelings acknowledged. They have become even more locked down as a result, and they will never again discuss their experience. But we must learn how to interact with them in a way that makes them feel as though their feelings matter and are acknowledged. This will enable them to begin their recovery process. As a response, psychologist Emily H. Sanders penned the following: “May we be very slow to speak and very quick to listen when our loved ones open up to us. Lean in to offer love, support, and empathy.”

Emily also provided some guidelines for doing and not doing to make sure that when people share their trauma with us, they feel validated and that we support their healing:

“Be sure to also check internally with how you’re feeling. When our own big feelings around someone else’s pain flare up, we have a greater tendency to minimize, ignore, or fix their pain as a way to ease our discomfort around their suffering,” she added.

Dos:

1. Listening: We should concentrate on listening to how they feel rather than giving a hasty response to what they are saying. A traumatised person occasionally needs someone to listen to them more than before.
2. Pace: We shouldn’t press them to speak quickly. Allow them to speak at their own pace instead.
3. Gratitude: We should also thank them for opening up to us and sharing their darkest worries. This will establish a long-lasting friendship.
4. Validate: It is important to consistently affirm their thoughts, feelings, and opinions.
5. Ask: We should ask them how we might assist them heal rather than assuming the best course of action.

Don’ts:

1. Rush them into forgiving the offender and the situation so they may move on. Everyone moves at their own pace and has their own set of emotional motives for doing so.
2. We shouldn’t give them the impression that things could have been worse and that they were protected from it.
3. Never play the “blame game” and assign responsibility to someone else for how they feel or what happened. Find a technique to aid in their healing instead.
4. We shouldn’t force children to forgive and empathise with the person who injured them.
5. We shouldn’t force people to see the positive aspects of their tragedy since certain things aren’t designed to be viewed through an optimistic lens.

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