If you have a friend, partner or family member who has gained weight recently or you’ve noticed that they frequently complain about their weight, you might be nervous about talking to them about it. Your first response may be to shut down the conversation because you’re scared to talk to them or hurt their feelings, but there is a more helpful way to approach the situation. Express.co.uk chatted to fitness expert at Curves, Joanna Dase, to find out the seven dos and don’ts of talking to someone about their weight.
How do you talk to someone about their weight?
Examine your own weight issues first
Before you open up a dialogue about someone else’s weight, consider whether it’s possible that you have issues with your own weight.
Joanna said: “Ask yourself, why does somebody else’s weight matter to you? It is very likely that your loved one is aware of the changes to their own body.
“If they have not asked for your help and they are living a healthy lifestyle, their size should not matter to you.
“Some people are just naturally slimmer or curvier. If you’re embarrassed by their body size, it may be time to challenge your perspective rather than criticising their lifestyle.
“Wait for them to bring up the conversation instead – they may say something like ‘I’m sick of being overweight or ‘I’m tired of being so tired all the time, I want to get active!’.
“Listen with empathy, avoid judgement, and ask if they would like your help before starting the conversation around weight.”
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Speak about their health and feelings
Weight gain or loss can be a complex issue, and it’s often rooted in much more than just food and exercise.
Before any discussion of weight comes in, check in on how you’re loved one is doing.
Perhaps they are feeling stressed, unhappy in their relationship, depressed, or caught up in a cycle?
Joanna said: “Depending on their answer, you may want to direct them to a mental health professional or their GP.
“There are many reasons behind weight gain or loss, and they could be experiencing a medical condition that is out of their immediate control such as PCOS, an eating disorder or side effects to certain medications they are taking.”
Do not use shame
One of the worst things you can do when discussing weight is use shame to enforce your opinion.
Joanna warned: “If you are serious about helping your loved one, be sure to focus on their behaviours, not looks or weight.
“Try to use supportive language that has a positive, forward-looking tone and never use shaming statements such as: ‘you can’t even fit into your clothes’.
“It is also incredibly counterproductive to put food bans on them, in attempts for discipline and control.
“In fact, ‘banned’ foods can set up cravings and cause more guilt around eating food. Everything in moderation is the mantra to follow.”
Do not frame the discussion around food
Diet suggestions and comments surrounding their eating habits are likely to make your loved one feel defensive and upset, so avoid comments such as ‘I noticed you didn’t eat your dessert!’ or ‘why are you having a late-night snack?’
Keep the conversation focussed on their health and overall quality of life.
Joanna explained: “It is rarely greed or laziness that triggers rapid weight loss or gain, but rather certain changes and triggers in life.
“Ask questions to help your loved one open up such as ‘are you happy with work right now?’ but know your boundaries.
“Don’t keep pushing or delving into someone’s personal life if they don’t want to share the information with you.
“Suggest speaking confidentially to a professional or just allowing them some time and space to process their own feelings before coming to you.”
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Boost their self-esteem
It is so important to accept and love yourself and you can help someone feel better about themselves.
If someone starts to love themself, they may have more motivation to make the changes they want in their lifestyle.
Joanna pointed out: “Often those who are underweight or overweight may try to hide their appearance with baggy, oversized clothing. Suggest treating you both to a personal shopping experience, where a professional can help find clothes that help suit your shape.
“Perhaps you could also treat them to an appointment with a talented hairdresser as a birthday gift.
“Encourage your loved ones to see themselves for how beautiful they really are and emphasise that you are not trying to change who they are.
“Remember, these are superficial changes and often will not get to the root cause of the issue. If your loved one is opening up to you and requires additional support, guide them to a professional who can help boost their self-esteem and change their behaviours.”
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