As we enter wedding season, Metro.co.uk has roped in Alison Rios McCrone, venue owner and planner, to help solve your dilemmas in a weekly agony aunt column…
Dear Alison,
I’m set to be best man at my oldest friend’s wedding this summer – and he was best man at mine a few years ago.
The bar is set really high, as not only was he a fantastic support, and great stag planner, but his speech was one of the highlights of the day. He hit all the right notes – eloquent, kind and really funny. He has the upper hand of being a professional writer, whereas I am in more of a numbers-based role and not so good with my words.
I’m utterly terrified that my speech will be awful – and the pressure has got to me so much that I’m coming up with a complete blank whenever I try and put pen to paper.
Do you have any tips?
Thanks,
Kyle
Dear Kyle,
What an honour to be your oldest friend’s best man! A nerve-wracking honour!
I completely understand the pressure you feel. Giving a speech can be one of the most anxiety-inducing moments for any best man, especially if you are not used to public speaking.
But don’t worry – I witnessed countless weddings in my 10 years as a venue owner and I have, not only a handy formula for devising your speech, but also tips on what you should definitely not do.
Before I get into that though, I firstly want to ask you to be kinder to yourself and to try not to compare yourself to your friend and your speech to his. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses; he hasn’t chosen you because he expects you to be a brilliant orator, but because of the brilliant bond you have.
On that note: Be yourself.
Avoid copying your friend’s style or being someone you are not. Embrace your personality and speak from the heart. Sincerity shows genuine authenticity, and people will warm to that.
Before writing your speech, ask the bride and groom how long they want you to speak. Most speeches should be 5-10 minutes, at most 10 minutes. Do not go over this!
Have a think or what anecdotes you want to include in your speech and ask whether the bride and groom want you to read out any messages during your time at the microphone.
Traditionally, you will be the last person to speak, so check with the groom, father of the bride, or whoever else is talking, what they are saying so you do not repeat the same story or cover the same ground.
It’s also worth checking with the couple or the person marrying them what is being said during the ceremony, to make sure your words aren’t too similar to theirs.
I often see the best man repeat things that have been said earlier in the day and it’s unfortunate. You want your speech to be fresh!
Alison’s formula for writing a best man speech
Start with a heartfelt anecdote.
Think back over your years of friendship with the groom, how you met, and a meaningful, amusing story showing your bond. This helps set a warm tone and enables you to connect with the audience.
Make sure you’ve introduced yourself, and thank the couple and their family for a wonderful day.
Reflect on another fond or funny memory of your time spent with the groom before moving onto the bride – praising her and the positive impact she has had on your friend.
Give your well wishes to the couple. Perhaps share some advice from what you’ve learned from married life.
Finish with a toast to the bride and groom and some heartfelt observations about them.
Organising your speech into the sections suggested above prevents you from waffling and going off subject!
Anecdotes are a key component of a best man speech, but you need to remember this day is about your friend and not you, so tailor it that way.
For example, if your friend has supported you through some hardship that you want to mention to thank him, try not to over-explain what you have been through but instead reflect on his character and what this meant to you.
Often, when including funny stories, best men have a tendency to cross the line into crude. This is not acceptable and you should ensure that if you intend to be humorous, it does not offend anyone.
Alison’s tips of what to avoid when writing the best man speech
Avoid swearing. It is entirely inappropriate, and as a range of people from different walks of life and ages will be in the room, it is very easy to offend guests by swearing.
Limit your alcohol consumption before giving the speech. You want to feel sharp, focussed, and in control.
Avoid talking about the stag weekend. No one is interested except for the boys.
No inappropriate comments relating to the bridesmaids.
No mention of ex-girlfriends or any stories relating to them.
Avoid using jokes found on the internet – they are not funny, and most people, if they have attended a wedding or two over the last few years, will have heard them before.
Avoid saying anything negative about the bride at all costs!
One way to make sure this does not happen, is to ask a close friend for feedback once you are done. Don’t leave this to the last moment as they may have suggestions of how your speech can be improved, which may take time.
You also want to make sure you have enough time to practise! The more times you run through it, the more confident and eloquent you will become.
Recite it in front of a mirror, speak out loud, or record yourself! At first, it might be awful, but over time you will master it and deliver a speech that flows.
If all else fails, some professional speech writers exist and you could enlist their services.
Remember being the best man is about being there for your friend on his special day and sharing your genuine friendship. Your support and presence will matter far more than the speech you give.
Have the best day!
Alison
Find out more about Alison here: alisonriosmccrone.com; and find details of her wedding venue here: altskeith.com.
Do you have a wedding problem you need some advice on?
Weddings are joyful occasions – but they’re also incredibly stressful. Whether you’re a bride or groom, best woman or man, family member or friend of the couple, the run up to the big day can be very tense.
If you need a bit of help with your quandary, Alison, who has run a wedding venue for 10 years and helps couples plan weddings, is here to offer a helping hand.
Email [email protected] to share your issue anonymously with Alison and get it solved.
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