We all know the feeling: your breathing gets faster, the sweat starts dripping, you’re hurtling towards the proverbial edge you so desperately want to fall over.
But then *record scratch* all the pleasure stops. There’s no restart to make that journey to climax all over again. The big O simply never comes.
Although for many of this is a frustrating experience, some find the process of nearing orgasm, but not actually reaching the peak, incredibly arousing.
Referred to as a ‘ruined orgasm’, it’s a practice that you’d either love or hate – the Marmite of the sex world, if you will.
It’s somewhat similar to edging – where people approach climax but then stop, before doing so over and over again until they finally let themselves get there.
Yet while edging is designed to intensify the eventual explosion of pleasure, in the case of the ruined orgasm you don’t allow yourself to climax at all.
A ruined orgasm is also known as a spoiled orgasm, because you’re literally ruining it or spoiling it before one can materialise.
The reason some people find it so enjoyable is all down to consensual control, which taps into the dominant and submissive roles that couples often like to toy with.
Sex educator Emme Witt said: ‘Ruined orgasms can be a way [for a dominant to play by] letting a submissive know that they have been promised an orgasm in reward for [following orders]
‘But, just when they think they’ll be experiencing an ecstatic release, the dominant is going to ruin that pleasure.’
It is, of course, still vital to get consent beforehand. Ahead of time, you both need to be comfortable with the orgasm deprivation and elements of power play involved.
For the partner that enjoys being dominant, the obvious appeal in a ruined orgasm is the satisfaction that comes from control.
However, the person being deprived of the orgasm can also get pleasure from it for a couple of reasons.
The idea that they are unworthy of pleasure or experiencing disappointment or humiliation from such an experience can be sexually gratifying for a submissive.
Another major turn-on that can come from ruined orgasms is simply the idea of surrendering power and being totally at the mercy of someone else.
It essentially boils down to different strokes for different folks, but denied gratification flips the idea of climax being the ultimate focus on its head.
So if you find that you’re putting the big O on a pedestal (and ending up feeling deflated if it doesn’t happen) or you simply want to switch things up in the bedroom, it may be worth giving ruined orgasms a go.
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