‘A man that is so in love with a woman that he would literally murder for her is something that is so attractive to me,’ says BookToker Kaylie Helfrich.
In an age of feminism and equality there’s a surprising type of fictional man that gets a lot of women going.
It’s not the moral, respectful guy you take home to your mother. It’s the morally grey ‘alphahole’ who has the ‘touch her and I’ll kill you’ mindset. Toxic, right?
But why do some of us find these behaviours so attractive in our fictional love interests when we would never accept them from a man in real life?
Kaylie, a 32-year-old chemist from Denver, tells Metro.co.uk: ‘I love when the psycho book boyfriend is psycho to everyone but his partner.
‘They aren’t bound by morals, so they are willing to do anything to protect them and show them they care.’
Kaylie, a domestic violence survivor, adds: ‘It may stem from my past traumas, but from my experiences in the real world there aren’t many people willing to fight for what they want.
‘People break up and give up on each other over small things all the time, so it’s refreshing when a man will say things along the lines of, “You can hate me for what I’ve done, but I will never stop loving you.”
‘In reality they don’t always have that same sense of loyalty and devotion. I think I spent so many years wanting one of those guys to change and show me the type of loyalty I was craving, but it never happened.’
The booktoker can also indulge in these dark romances, which are often justly littered with trigger warnings, because ‘the element of safety comes from knowing that it will always get better’.
She says: ‘As a domestic violence survivor I have used dark romance books as a coping mechanism.
‘I watch many characters go through traumatic things that are sometimes similar to the things I’ve been through, and there is a sense of security knowing that it will all work out for them in the end.’
But in order for a dark romance male love interest to really hit the spot (ahem), they need to ‘be morally grey to everyone but their partner,’ she says.
‘It’s fine when a book starts with him kidnapping her, and then over time falling for her, but once he falls in love he can’t be treating her poorly,’ she says.
‘Something that is the same in all of the books I choose to read is the loyalty to the person they love. Sometimes it’s grey before they fall in love, but once they fall for each other, it is them versus everyone else.
‘They are always each other’s number one. That is what I love. It is too far for me when that doesn’t happen.’
Of course, not everyone agrees the toxic book boyfriend is harmless horn. 50 Shades of Grey, perhaps, is the most famous example. The erotic novel was accused of ‘romanticising abuse’ by some women’s rights groups as it took the book charts by storm, and in 2015, campaigners who dubbed themselves 50 Shades is Domestic Abuse protested at the UK premier for book’s film adaptation.
More recently, 365 Days – a book that received the Netflix treatment – divided opnion for its plot, where a man kidnaps a woman for a year until she falls in love with him.
Obviously, this is a criminal offence and a serious issue of violence against women when in a real world setting. Yet the numbers of women reading and watching these stories speak for themselves. Millions are fans. Why?
Clinical sexologist and therapist Ness Cooper explains it could be to do with evolution.
Ness tells Metro.co.uk: ‘Evolutionist psychologists some believe extreme violence was to show which mate is the winner and has a higher chance of reproduction.
‘It could be evolutionally and reproductively built into some of us.’
And what is the reasoning behind the attraction of a male character who
would do terrible things to everyone else but never to you?
Ness says: ‘Risk and pleasure are closely linked in the brain and when one is
activated the other can be close by.
‘Risks release certain hormones that can lead to arousal and increased blood flow.
‘For some, people may find their body is aroused but mind isn’t, when they encounter situations like this and this can lead to confusion around sexual motives, wants, needs, and desires.
‘We’re taught that safety can also increase sexual and romantic opportunities and when someone uses certain behaviours in a protective manner it may make us translate it as being a good fit sexually.
‘But not everyone who is protective and creates a safe environment for us, are those we would have sexual interactions with; think care giver or parent.’
But these morally grey male love interests aren’t just possessive – they are also incredibly assured and confident lovers in the bedroom – and sex scenes are typically graphically written in dark romances.
TikTok is bringing them to new audiences. One BookTok video alone, depicting a specific taboo sex scene from Fierce King by Sadie Kincaid, has more than 1.6 million views.
Fierce king is a dark mafia romance book which includes tropes of forced marriage – again, a serious crime.
Kaylie’s favourite book boyfriend:
‘My all time favourite book boyfriend isn’t the most psychotic, but he is definitely morally grey.
‘It is Connor Maxwell from the book Was I Ever Real by Naomi Loud. It is a dark romance book that follows Connor who is the city’s most feared crime boss.
‘He is dangerous, arrogant, grumpy and possessive, but he would do anything for the FMC Lenix.
‘The couple enters into a marriage of convenience to protect Lenix from that cult that she was raised in and escaped when she was only 16 years old.
‘Even when the relationship isn’t a real one Connor shows a true sense of loyalty to Lenix and shows that he will do anything to protect her.
‘Connor is a very wealthy man and tells Lenix that he gets turned on by her spending his money. Something the psycho book boyfriends always do better is their loyalty and the fact that there is no line they won’t cross for the love of their life, and Connor exhibits that perfectly.’
Ness explains that these extreme displays of possessiveness could be attractive to certain women because misogyny is inherently ingrained into our society.
She says: ‘There could be a form of social and cultural expectation built into the
desire to have an attraction towards men who demonstrate these traits.
‘Whilst cultural and society has progressed patriarchy and misogyny are still bit influences over certain behaviours and for a long time women were taught to respond to certain male dominant behaviours even when they crossed into toxicity, but showing attraction and openness to share sexual expression and favours towards men like this.
‘This can become internalised into us, and when surfaced can make it feel more erotic as it doesn’t fully fit with current evolving social scripts of acceptable behaviour from a sexual or romantic partner.
‘So even whilst times are changing and moving away from favouring people with these behaviours, they are still a strong part of many of us.’
If you are experiencing any form of domestic violence or any concerning behaviours that are non-consensual please contact Women’s Aid or another women’s refuge or domestic violence charity at a time it is safe for you to do so.
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