Hemsworths awkwardly ditch VIP Splendour bash

Set atop a hill in the middle of a 120-acre property owned by Australian folk musician Angus Stone, the exclusive invite-only bash was billed as the VIP event of the festival and promised an Instagrammable oasis with a guest list including the “most influential names in music and fashion”.

But that’s the thing about Instagram. It rarely matches the reality.

“We’re expecting two Hemsworths,” Glenn Coleman, the founder of Melbourne fashion label Nana Judy and host of the event, whispered as the free bus chauffeured the remainder of the several hundred guests along a muddy trail to the secret location.

Which two Hemsworths? Liam and the older one. Still, a Hemsworth is a Hemsworth. The name itself has the power to make or break a party.

“We were inspired by the Coachella parties,” Coleman said. “Wait until you see it – it’s a wonderland.”

Then the bus pulled up.

The torrential weather that ruined the beginning of Splendour In The Grass on Friday had taken a toll on all the weekend’s events. Not even VIP parties were immune.

Groups of twenty-somethings mingled under fake Balinese straw huts, sipping on free drinks from the Red Bull, Isla and Patron sponsorship bars as a DJ played generic thumpy music while also sporadically operating a flame cannon.

It was two o’clock on Saturday afternoon under an overcast sky and there was no sign of the Hemsworths – Byron’s most famous residents. Instead, micro influencers rubbed shoulders with reality stars and filmed social media content while trudging over the stacks of hay that lined the ground to soak up the mud.

The biggest celebrity guest in attendance? Margot Robbie…’s brother.

“Yeah, yeah – they said they’re coming,” organisers confidently promised again, checking the time in anticipation of the Hemsworth arrival before offering a consolation prize. “But Alex Hayes is here – from Celebrity Apprentice.”

“A heap of the Love Island guys are also here,” another organiser said. “And people from The Bachelor.”

Which ones?

“Ah… from a few seasons ago.”

Meanwhile, Chad Hurst, who won Big Brother in 2020, lined up at the nearby Red Bull bar.

The overlap of reality shows was like a crossover between the Marvel and DC universes. But in the world of reality TV contestants, the result is more unpredictable and dangerous.

“This guy from Love Island is here and he’s a total d*ck,” someone, who begged to remain anonymous, said. “He’s a full-blown douche bag. He’s the worst. He thinks the sun shines out of his f**king ass. He’s off his face.”

The party, now in its seventh year, has turned Angus Stone – one half of the brother-sister folk duo Angus and Julia Stone – into some kind of Byron-esque Hugh Hefner, hosting leather-fringed influencers at his farm like bunny-eared playmates at the Playboy mansion. But instead of sex, it’s all about #SponPo.

As scattered showers sprinkled throughout the afternoon and the party dragged closer to its end, Baker Boy hit the stage for a performance.

“How we vibin’ tonight?” he called out to the straggling crowd, who filmed themselves dancing for the three-song set.

“Is that it?” someone muttered as they leant against the wall of one of the Balinese huts.

Down near the bathroom cabins – which guys and girls had started peeing around instead of inside – one gentleman was feeling the effects of too many free vodka Red Bulls from the sponsorship bar. He passed out under Angus Stone’s bank of solar panels.

Upstairs on the balcony overlooking the muddy grounds, even in the final moments of the event, the organisers were still scrambling to locate a Hemsworth.

“Liam and Luke said they were coming,” Glenn insisted before pulling out his phone and frantically dialling. “Lemme call them again.”

“We were in talks with Jack Harlow but that’s fallen through,” the other offered with a shrug.

Still, for some, the lack of Hemsworths didn’t matter.

“It’s f**king lit,” Jami Knight, an influencer with 363,000 followers said. “The vibe, the people. This is the best party.”

Twitter, Facebook: @hellojamesweir

Originally published as Splendour in the Grass VIP party at Angus Stones’ Byron pad suffers awkward Hemsworth no-show