Grey matter: The Lisa LaFlamme hair conversation has resonated with many women

On a January morning in 2021, Jennifer Thompson took a selfie in her home office.

“The light was great and I liked what I saw,” says Thompson, who runs a Toronto media and communications company.

Yet she hesitated before posting the photo on Instagram.

That’s because, like millions of people around the world — including, famously, former CTV news anchor Lisa LaFlamme — Thompson had stopped dyeing her hair during the pandemic. Her brunette bob transformed into a long silver mane. Thompson says she initially tried to maintain her colour, but one “very liberating” day, she put down her can of root touch-up spray and never looked back.

Still, Thompson knew that “going public” with her grey hair was potentially risky, particularly because, in the same post, she mentioned that she was turning 50.

“By putting that out there, I thought I was really exposing myself,” says Thompson, who shared her trepidation in the post’s accompanying caption, including her fear that clients and colleagues would deem her “washed up and out of touch.”

The public response to Thompson’s post ended up being resoundingly positive, although that didn’t stop several people in Thompson’s private life telling her she “looked old” or that she was “too young to stop dyeing her hair.”

That social pressure, most often grappled with in private, has burst into the public sphere this week due to the unceremonious ouster of LaFlamme, one of Canada’s most respected broadcasters. A report this week suggested that senior CTV officials questioned who approved LaFlamme’s decision to “go grey.”

“When I read that, I was disappointed and disturbed, but I was not surprised,” says Thompson.

Jeanne Beker, the journalist and TV personality, says she was “shocked” by LaFlamme’s firing. “Lisa is so good and really beloved — everyone respects her in a million different ways,” says Beker who has, at points in her career, worked for Bell Media (the parent company of CTV). “I couldn’t understand what the rationale could be.” Still, Beker cautions against drawing a firm line between CTV’s decision and LaFlamme’s hair, pointing out that news organizations are political beasts. “I think it’s naïve for people to think because Lisa went grey, it was a mark against her. I just don’t think it’s as simple as that.”

Beker knows first-hand the realities of ageism in the TV world. “That was the same company I was working for when my show (“Fashion Television”) got cancelled, right around my 60th birthday,” says Beker, although she adds that she doesn’t necessarily connect the decision to her age. An experience she had while working elsewhere at Citytv was more explicit. “I was nine months pregnant and about to pop, and (a high-profile TV executive) came up to me and said, ‘When are you coming back to work after you have this baby of yours?’” When Beker replied she wasn’t sure yet, she says he replied, “Because, you know, there’s a lineup of 20-something girls outside my office door just waiting for your job.” Beker was 35.

Now 70, Beker is undergoing treatment for breast cancer, which has caused some of her hair to fall out. She’s shared her journey on social media, including a recent poignant outing to buy a wig. Beker says she regularly hears from well-meaning people telling her she should “go grey” as part of her journey. While she appreciates the support, “it gets my back up a bit,” says Beker. “For me, it’s such a personal thing. You have to make the choice for yourself. For me, (grey hair) dulls me or I think it would. I didn’t even want to try on a grey wig.” Instead, she seized the chance to experiment and opted for a glamorous red one.

Celina Caesar-Chavannes, a former member of Parliament, is all too familiar with people sharing their opinions about her hair. During the pandemic, the lack of salon access forced her to stop straightening her curls and instead to embrace its natural texture. “I straighten my hair in order to ‘fit’ into a culture that has a very Eurocentric standard of what things should look like, especially in the public eye,” says Caesar-Chavannes, 48. “My natural hair is political.”

During her time in Parliament, Caesar-Chavannes remembers being surprised by her staff’s reaction to what she felt was a fairly straightforward decision to shave one side of her head. “My staff said, ‘You can’t do that because the Canadian public knows you and they’re aware of what you look like when your hair is straightened. You cannot cut your hair.’” Behind those words, however, Caesar-Chavannes perceived a warning that she’d broken what she calls an “unwritten rule.”

Caesar-Chavanes says that whether LaFlamme’s firing was directly related to her grey hair or not, it’s deeply concerning that it’s even brought up as a possibility.

“It’s highly problematic when we start policing or determining what is a ‘fit’, especially when it’s a naturally occurring part of who we are,” she says. “If (LaFlamme) wants to dye her hair purple and go on national TV — not sure if that will work. But she’s naturally getting older, she has that wisdom, experience and credentials — and still, it will be boiled down to some arbitrary B.S. about, ‘Is your hair grey? Is it straight? Is it super curly?’”

Caesar-Chavannes says she’s long embraced her own grey hair: “I will never dye my hair, and it’s because I’ve had women in my life, my aunt, in particular, who have had this lovely streak of grey hair, and it was so beautiful,” she says.

Speaking of streaks: entrepreneur and Dragon’s Den alumna Arlene Dickinson developed a swathe of grey in her early 20s. “I’ve always had the grey commentary, but it didn’t bother me because I thought the (grey streak) was cool — and it was hard to colour,” she says. It became Dickinson’s signature look, which turned out to be a double-edged sword.

“I didn’t want to be known for my hair,” Dickinson says. “I wanted to be known for what I brought to the table, for my skill and what I cared about.” And yet, she was constantly referred to as, “the one on TV with the grey streak,” which she hated. But she was also “petrified” about what would happen if she got rid of it. “Would people like me less? Would I be less relevant?”

When Dickinson did colour the streak and became a full redhead, she heard “every opinion in the world” about that choice. Dickinson says she was recognized in public less, which made her worry she’d somehow lost her profile. “You start to realize that this hair thing is overwhelmingly ruling your personal value equation of how you view yourself, let alone how other people view you,” she says.

During the pandemic, she decided to let her hair go entirely grey, and — while she was at it — chopped most of it off, after years of keeping it long because she’d been told that’s what men found sexy.

“That made the news, because I attached it to the fact that I no longer was doing what I thought men expected,” Dickinson says. “I finally had the freedom to express myself and care a little less about what people thought. It was really freeing — and seeing Lisa on TV was a great reminder that we don’t have to be what other people perceive us to be when it comes to our looks. We have to deliver, to perform, and she did that in spades. Every single time I saw her, I thought, There’s somebody who’s being herself, and is comfortable in her own skin, and has reached an age and stage in her life when she’s demonstrating her confidence.”

Dickinson has since dyed her hair, “but that’s because I want to.” She also reserves the right to go grey again.

“That’s a personal choice, and it’s nobody’s business.”

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