As the tears flowed on Thursday night, I thought back to happier memories.
Committed superfans of Her Majesty, my husband Dale and I spent the Platinum Jubilee celebrations on the Mall. We got there early on Saturday morning at around 7am, dressed in full Union Jack regalia and ready to enjoy the day.
In true British summertime fashion, we obviously got absolutely soaked – but that didn’t dampen our enthusiasm.
We wanted to go to show our appreciation and share our enthusiasm with others, even hoping for an unlikely glimpse of the Queen on the balcony, though in the end she was unable to attend.
Having attended the Diamond Jubilee in 2012 and only secured a spot halfway down the Mall, we knew we had to get there early to get a good position and be able to soak up the joyous atmosphere.
As the morning wore on we spoke to those around us, discussing our shared admiration for the Queen and how much we loved her or what made her so special to us – making friends that we still stay in contact with to this day.
We felt a real sense of pride watching the meticulous preparations for the day’s events, which included musical performances, tributes, and an array of famous faces.
We had the time of our lives at the concert – where else could you get a line up that included Queen, Diana Ross and Rod Stewart?
So when I heard the news that the Queen had died, I was devastated, thinking of her and her family.
It feels strange to think that someone you had never met in person could have such a big impact on you – but to me it was as if I had lost my own Nan all over again.
The Queen was the guiding light of the nation, and losing her just reminded me of how important she was to me, and the whole country.
One of my favourite things about the Queen is how much she acted as a unifier – bringing people together from all walks of life who might not have had much in common, but shared that admiration for her – something reflected in the sense of camaraderie and togetherness we experienced in the crowd at her Jubilee.
Rich or poor, old or young, we met all kinds of people that day, and none of their backgrounds mattered, everyone was the same – united in their love for this extraordinary public servant.
We met people from not only all over the country, but all around the world. From Canada to New Zealand, they had all come to celebrate the Jubilee.
The atmosphere was one of unbridled joy – it felt so good to be able to gather again especially after the pandemic, and we enjoyed talking to people about the journeys they had made and their favourite memories of the Queen – my own being of Her Majesty watching the races at Royal Ascot.
When I left school I joined the British Racing School to become a jockey so watching her show her passion and cheer on the horses made me feel a connection between us.
When a video of Queen sharing tea and marmalade sandwiches with Paddington Bear was shared on a screen at the Platinum Jubilee, the cheer that went up from the crowd was like something from a rock concert.
Everyone was friendly, and the two bottles of gin we brought were certainly appreciated as the crowd turned into an impromptu mass picnic, passing round the food and drink we had each brought. It really added to the sense of unity we all felt being part of the historic occasion.
It’s reflecting on moments like this, and other times we’ve visited royal palaces or when we attended the Diamond Jubilee in 2012, that are helping get us through these tough times as we adjust to a life without the Queen.
Dale and I consider our wedding day to be the best day of our lives, but we both agree that either of those royal events run it a close second.
We’ve always been proud royalists, and our family connections give us an even stronger sense of admiration for the Queen.
My late nan was also called Elizabeth, and always took great pride in the role the Queen played for her generation, not least in dark days like the war.
Dale’s late grandparents had their own royal connections – his grandad served on the World War II era Royal Navy warship HMS Ceylon and even met the Queen when she visited the vessel.
His nan, Barbara, served in the military during the war like Her Majesty, and was even offered work as a cook for the Queen Mother, but turned it down to focus on her family.
As Norfolk locals, we loved that special connection that the Queen shared with our area through her residence on the Sandringham Estate, not least around Christmas.
It’s a source of pride for our community when we watched her annual Christmas message, knowing that of all the places she visits, she later chose our area to make her home at such an important time of the year.
And far more than just a figurehead, the Queen inspired me directly.
I’ve worked in food retail for over two decades, now at a senior level, and at every meeting where leaders discuss who inspires them, a lot of people will cite a businessperson, or even a celebrity.
But for me there’s no question it’s Her Majesty.
As a woman, seeing her be the main focal point in rooms full of world leaders was incredible – the way everyone deferred to her no matter how powerful they were was awe-inspiring.
To me, the Queen was a feminist role model. She was the most professional person – you would never see her react negatively and she always put others ahead of herself.
Her dedication to her role and country over her 70 year reign was outstanding and nothing short of a miracle.
She appointed 15 prime ministers, and in a testament to her incredible work ethic, appointed the current incumbent Liz Truss just two days before her death.
They all swore by her advice and have spoken about how they trusted her guidance.
That trust was shared throughout the country, and she even helped us through the pandemic – her solemn promise in an address during lockdown that ‘we will meet again’ had as much impact as every scientist’s advice, every politician’s press conference.
That’s what made us such huge fans, not just her knack for saying just the right thing to bring us all together, but the fact that she knew instinctively that she had a role to play in this crisis, just like she did for our grandparents during difficult times like World War II.
She never complained, never tried to shirk her duties, and was an inspiration on so many levels.
I’ve no idea how she managed to work so hard for over 70 years; I can’t wait to retire and the Queen carrying out duties right up until the week of her passing just shows again her dedication.
Over our years as royal fans, we’ve collected all of the royal gins released – and over the years we have also collected framed pictures and small memorabilia.
It’s easy to forget that while the country mourns, it will be a very difficult time for the King – the Platinum Jubilee speech where he paid such a personal tribute to his mother really humanised him in our eyes and we’re confident he will be able to follow in the Queen’s footsteps.
And since last week, he’s really stepped up to the plate; his commitment to the planet and wanting to help create a better future for everyone is evident – I think he will make his mother proud.
Watching him address the nation gave me full faith that he will be an inspirational King who will lead with the same commitment as his mother before him, though observing him and the rest of the Queen’s children on Monday in Edinburgh was really tough to watch.
Unfortunately my husband and I will not be able to visit the Queen while she lies in state as we are out of the country.
It really hurts as I wanted nothing more than to pay my respects personally and say my last goodbye, but my best friend Dominic is going down to lay flowers on my behalf and we will attend the coronation to show the King we are all behind him.
For now, we are remembering our happy moments at royal events, coping with our grief, and more than anything, expressing gratitude for the Queen’s decades of public service.
It’s no more than she deserves.
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