By now, we’re all familiar with love languages and how catering to your partner’s can help strengthen a relationship.
Whether it’s physical touch or words of affirmation, it all comes down to how we like to give and receive love.
‘The main aim of any love language is that if we mirror the way that somebody values a certain style of communication or action, then we build bonds better,’ psychologist Emma Kenny tells Metro.co.uk.
‘So even, arguably, if our love language is different to someone else’s, as long as we are able to connect using theirs – even if it’s not second-nature to us – it strengthens the bonds between you.’
So if knowing a partner’s love language can help a relationship thrive – can this work with friendships too?
After all, we care deeply for our close friends, too.
It’s a different kind of love to a romantic partner but, in many ways, it’s no less important.
What are the five love languages?
- Physical touch
- Gifts
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Acts of service
So is it worth using the concept of love languages in a friendship setting, too?
Experts seem to think so.
‘All relationships can benefit from exploring and understanding each other’s love languages – and friendships are no exception,’ explains relationship counsellor Georgina Smith from Counselling Directory.
‘If we know what makes our friends tick, what makes them happy, and what makes them feel loved, and if we are mindful of this when we communicate with them, then that friendship will be the healthiest version it can be.’
So how do we go about doing this? And are there any boundaries to consider?
Identify your friend’s language – and mirror it
Emma explains that bonds of any kind strengthen when we notice a person’s love language and respect it – and this means mirroring how a loved one likes to give and receive love.
She continues: ‘The thing about love languages, it’s about an emotional and psychological need that affirms their worth – and people communicate that in different needs.
‘It’s not about constantly paying for things, or buying things, it’s about mirroring the meaning within those actions – so making sure a friend knows you are valuing them in that similar way.’
Say, for example, you know your friend’s love language is gifts – this doesn’t mean you need to constantly buy expensive presents to keep your friendship alive.
Instead, it’s about seeing the meaning and message of why this is important to your friend – and how you can make them feel special in this way.
She adds: ‘I think when we think about giving, people usually think of physical gifts – but I don’t just think it’s that. It can be tenderness, preparing meals or always thinking about the comforts that matter to a particular individual.
‘Maybe that’s paying for a lunch occasionally.
‘Even though we don’t value our relationships by the expenditure that’s placed on them, it’s the meaning behind it – which is “I value you and I want to treat you.”
‘It’s not just just physical gifts, it’s the physical action of someone feeling rewarded for a place and space in their world.’
Tweak it for a friendship setting
You might think certain love languages are only reserved for a romantic relationships – but experts say all of them can be tweaked for friendship.
Georgina adds: ‘Even physical touch, which most of us would usually associate with sexual intimacy, could be tweaked to fit a friendship context. How many times has a long, powerful hug from a friend made you feel safer? Or a hand on shoulder made you feel heard?
‘Knowing which love language your friend responds to the most will allow you to know how to make them feel secure in the friendship (and vice versa). And security is key to healthy, thriving relationships.’
Also, Emma stresses not to underestimate the small things.
She explains: ‘Maybe you have a friend who they always remember the little things, and is sentimental in their reactions to you and reminds you of our significance through small actions? If you can register that and reflect that to a degree, this will enhance your bond and make that person genuinely feel that you value them and they have worth to you.’
This might be texting them on a special friendship anniversary, or sending them a card for getting a work promotion.
Another thing to note is that if you know your friend values quality time, then focus on really connecting and doing something fun when you spend time together – rather than just meeting up for the sake of it.
As the name suggests, quality time is all about quality, not quantity.
Recognise boundaries
It’s also important to recognise boundaries when we talk about these things – especially with physical touch.
This is because some people love hugging, while others do not.
She adds: ‘Physical touch and intimacy is something that has great meaning to some people, they are a direct affirmation of an internal belief – so when I hug you, hold your hand, or link your arm, that’s something that makes me feel secure.
‘If you have a friend that loves hugging you but you find that physically difficult, you have to establish a boundary that’s respected.
‘Not everyone is going to happy with that tactility – but equally if you don’t allow that friend to offer you any connective touch then that person might feel abandoned.’
Individuals who have physical touch as a love language often like to be greeted by people they love in a way that has more meaning than other people – e.g. hugging and kissing.
But this comes down to preference and it’s about communicating what a person is and isn’t comfortable with – for example, a short hug might be fine, but linking arms on a walk might not be.
Do you have a story to share?
Get in touch by emailing [email protected].
MORE : How you can still post out a last-minute Valentine’s Day card or gift
MORE : A third of couples are staying home this Valentine’s Day amid cost of living crisis
MORE : How should you handle Valentine’s Day if you’ve just started dating?
For all the latest Lifestyle News Click Here
For the latest news and updates, follow us on Google News.
