You suspect that someone you care about might be engaging in substance abuse, or may have issues with addiction… what do you do?
It’s an incredibly difficult question.
You want to do something – but what? How do you raise the topic without making your loved one feel judged or criticised? What’s a reasonable action to take, and what’s going too far? How do you properly support them in recovery?
Nicholas Conn is an expert in addiction working at Rehab Centres UK, so knows all about navigating this tricky situation.
‘Addiction to drugs or alcohol can have profound effects, not only on the lives of sufferers but on their loved ones too,’ he said.
‘It can be extremely painful to watch someone you care deeply about struggle with substance abuse and it’s only natural you might want to intervene.
‘However, tackling the subject head on can be a very tricky thing to do and can risk alienating the sufferer, driving a wedge between you when your support is most needed.
‘The key is to be clear and upfront, know when to talk and know when to listen. Be open about how their addiction is harming themselves and others without being overly confrontational.
‘Try to avoid blaming or being judgemental as this is unlikely to go down well, and it is usually unwise to issue ultimatums or threats.
‘Talking to a loved one about addiction is a big step, and doing it with the right approach can make a huge difference towards defeating the problem.’
Ahead, Nick shares his top tips for having that chat.
Be clear and upfront
Don’t skirt around the issue.
‘If you’re sitting down to speak to a loved one about their addiction, make sure you are clear on what you are going to say,’ says Nick.
‘You could try starting with how the problem makes you feel and how you only want to help the sufferer seek the support to overcome their addiction.
‘Being open and honest allows you both to start on the best foot possible and ensures everyone is on the same page.’
Set boundaries and stick to them
As much as you might want to help this person, you need to ensure you’re looking after yourself, too.
Addiction can make someone cross boundaries and take advantage of kindness. Make sure you have solid boundaries and communicate them clearly.
Nick said: ‘Boundaries are important so the addiction sufferer is clear on what he or she can expect from you, and how you need to protect yourself as well as help them.
‘For example, allowing the sufferer to stay in your home or lending them money can cause conflict, so perhaps it’s better to offer alternative ways of supporting them.’
Choose the right time
‘Choosing the wrong time or place to have such a sensitive discussion can amplify problems and damage your relationship even further, says Nick.
‘Try to avoid speaking to a sufferer about their addiction if they are under the influence there and then, as it’s unlikely they will be as reasonable as you want.
‘It’s preferable to do it in a private space and somewhere the sufferer feels comfortable being open and honest.’
Don’t issue ultimatums and threats
Look, this is a hard topic and emotions will be high. But try as much as you can not to act rashly and issue hard threats or ultimatums to try to control the person’s behaviour.
Telling your loved one you’ll cut them off if they don’t stop using drugs or alcohol isn’t the way to support them through recovery.
‘Positive reinforcement is more likely to work than issuing threats or demands,’ said Nick.
Avoid judgement
‘Addiction is a disease that can affect anyone from any background, and negative life events can easily lead to a downward spiral,’ Nick explained.
‘If you are choosing to speak to a family member or a friend about their substance abuse, make sure you aren’t judgemental or condescending as this can put the sufferer on the defensive.
‘Instead, emphasise with them about how difficult their situation is with them and commend them on taking steps to rehabilitate themselves.’
Be there with them
Addiction can feel like the loneliest place in the world.
Tell and show the person that you’re here.
‘It can be daunting for a sufferer to embark on their rehabilitation journey and they might need reassurance along the way,’ Nick said.
‘Make sure you are clear to your loved one that you will be with them on the journey so that it is not as scary as doing it alone.
‘This can manifest itself as attending a support group with the sufferer or simply making time for regular coffees and catch-ups.’
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