Embarrassing hypocrisy in school’s letter

A Brisbane school has made headlines for sending parents a contract for them to sign before the school year starts, agreeing that their children will identify as the sex they were assigned at birth, or expect to be expelled.

Citipointe Christian College gave parents just over a week before school returns to sign and return the contract, leaving them little time to consider their options or find another school if they suddenly realise they don’t want their kids educated by people who would even think to ask you to sign something that states:

“ … I/we agree that, where distinctions are made between male and female (inclusive of, but not limited to, for example, uniforms, presentation, terminology, use of facilities and amenities, participation in sporting events and accommodation) such distinctions will be applied on the basis of the individual’s biological sex.”

Just in case parents didn’t get the message, Citipointe also attached a declaration of faith, denouncing homosexuality and bisexuality as “destructive to human relationships and society”.

Maybe I’m a little biased, or maybe you could call it learned experience, but as the proud parent of a transgender teen, I can see so many problems with this approach – for the children, for their parents, and for their teachers.

When my 17-year-old son Connor first told me he felt like a boy living in a girl’s body, he was 12 years old and in his first year of high school. He’d been battling anxiety and depression for more than a year before this, and had been struggling at school, where he had previously excelled.

I can’t imagine how much courage it took for Connor to come to me that day, but I’m grateful he felt like he could. I’m glad he knew he was loved and safe, and that we’d figure things out together. The stakes were high, but not as high as they could have been if his education depended on it.

He was fragile and scared though, and unsure of what was going to happen. Unsure of what he wanted to happen. He just knew he didn’t want to feel so wrong anymore.

The process wasn’t a fast one, and we spent a lot of time talking to psychologists, psychiatrists and the gender clinic at Queensland Children’s Hospital, as Connor figured out what was right for him, and I learned how I could support him as a mum.

Connor’s school – a large inner city high school – was incredible. They took on his name change and uniform change without batting an eye. They offered counselling for both him and me, and solutions to admin issues as they came up. They even allowed Connor, along with a few other kids who were also transitioning, to use teachers’ bathrooms to avoid them feeling awkward, for as long as they liked.

These kids were accepted and welcomed as they figured out who they were. And while I say the school was incredible, it’s also important to note that that’s what schools should do, isn’t it – care for the welfare of their students?

If Connor had been a student at Citipointe, life would have been different. No doubt he would have felt the pressure to keep his feelings to himself, if not at home, then certainly at school. He would have been faced with the messaging every day that who he thought he might be was inherently wrong, and that he would be ostracised from his community if he dared to be himself. He would have had to change schools and be the new kid amid a life already going through such great changes.

What a lot of pressure to put on a 12-year-old. A child, who needs love and acceptance and nurturing above just about all else.

As a parent, I would have been worried about Connor being ‘outed’ and humiliated. I would have been worried about the damage being done every day when he was told over and over again that he was less than his peers. And if I subscribed to the ethos of the school, I would have no doubt been wrestling with my own feelings of acceptance for my child, reinforced by their teachings.

And Connor’s teachers would have had to back up that message, even though they could see a child before them who wants to learn, but is struggling with what is going on, both within them and around them. Teachers who are there to excite young minds and inspire them to achieve would instead be beating them down and setting them back as a workplace directive.

What’s Christian about telling people they don’t belong? What’s Christian about telling children that their feelings are wrong and that they are less than others simply because of who they are?

How is it, in 2022, that we can still have institutions that judge and exclude people because of who they are? That teach their students and tell the wider community that it’s OK to do the same?

The answer is simple: because we still have a government who say it’s OK. The fact is, Citipointe is acting within a law that accepts church-based judgments and discrimination as a legitimate practice.

Until we have a government that stands up and says that people cannot be discriminated against on the basis of their identity, gender, or sexual preference, this will continue to happen.

We’ll continue to be outraged by those like Citipointe who stick their neck out and discriminate in such a bold and identifiable way, while countless others fly under the radar and subject people like Connor to more surreptitious discrimination every single day.

So as Connor begins his final year of high school this week, I know he is lucky. His school is supportive and he is supported to focus on his education and his future. But we know that there are loads of Citipointes out there, who think Connor is damaged or needs saving.

It’s time the government showed some leadership and told them he’s perfect as he is.

Carolyn Tate is a freelance writer

Originally published as There’s nothing Christian about excluding transgender kids