Disloyal Fans Abandon WWE on Halloween as Raw Ratings Plummet

It seems there is no length to which billionaire AEW owner Tony Khan will not go to sabotage WWE and RUIN THE CHADSTER’S LIFE! The ratings are down for this week’s episode of WWE Raw, and it’s clear that Khan is to blame for all of it. Raw took place on October 31st, which a lot of people don’t realize is Halloween, and as a result, ratings for the show were the worst they’ve been since last December, and it’s all Tony Khan’s fault!

In the tier list of holidays, everyone knows that Halloween is second-rate as best. It’s nothing compared to The Chadster’s favorite holiday, Groundhog Day, the most erotic of holidays. But apparently this year, everyone was so busy celebrating Halloween that they couldn’t even tune into WWE Raw?! It’s truly a travesty that people would rather celebrate a holiday that’s all about dressing up in costumes and eating candy than watch WWE Raw. But that’s just the kind of world we live in thanks to Tony Khan and his diabolical plot to destroy WWE.

Here’s the question nobody but The Chadster has the guts to ask: with the country headed into a recession and inflation at historic highs, how was everyone able to afford all this free candy to hand out to strangers? The only reasonable answer is that Tony Khan used his billions of dollars to subsidize these candy handouts, therefore enticing WWE fans to turn their backs on the company in exchange for sweets. The Chadster doesn’t have evidence that Tony Khan is behind this… yet… but The Chadster is confident he will be able to obtain it using his investigative journalism skills that are second-to-none in this industry.

WWE Raw on Monday averaged a 0.36 rating in the 18-49 demo with 1.501 million viewers overall, but if Tony Khan wasn’t literally bribing people to turn them against WWE, how many people would have watched? Millions more? We’ll never know, thanks to Tony Khan and all the disloyal WWE fans who were so easily swayed by a little bit of sugar. Auughh man! So unfair!

The Chadster could see this was going to happen even before it did, since brats in The Chadster’s neighborhood kept ringing his doorbell while The Chadster was trying to watch WWE Raw. The Chadster would answer the door dressed in his Baron Corbin cosplay, and the kids would be like, “nice Halloween costume, mister,” to which The Chadster would reply that he wasn’t wearing the costume because of stupid Halloween. The Chadster dressed like that to watch Raw every week. Then they’d expect a treat, but they weren’t interested in The Chadster’s White Claw Seltzer, so The Chadster was forced to give away almost his entire collection of WWE action figures, which is yet another way that Tony Khan has used this holiday to torment The Chadster.

So if you’re reading about WWE Raw ratings being down this week, please understand that this was not a reflection on the quality of WWE’s product, but rather the result of deliberate manipulation by a billionaire with a personal vendetta against WWE and The Chadster. The Chadster is sure that a billion people will probably watch Raw next week and the ratings will be at an all-time high… unless Tony Khan once again spoils it, and that’s the bottom line ’cause Chad said so!