Christmas is the most punderful time of year – and it’s right around the corner.
It’s time for sugary-sweet movies, a tasty Christmas roast – and of course some rib-tickling humour and cringe-inducing festive jokes, most often found tucked in the side of a paper Christmas cracker.
But whether you’re looking for a truly terrible joke, a punny Instagram caption, or a more serious festive quote to post on social media, we ho-ho-hope these will raise a smile or fit the bill.
Keep reading for some fun festive humour.
The best Christmas cracker jokes
What’s an elf’s favourite type of music? Wrap.
What happens if you eat Christmas decorations? You get tinsel-it is.
Why did Santa put a clock in his sleigh? He wanted to see time fly!
What did Santa name his dog? Santa Paws!
What do Santa’s elves learn in school? The elf-abet
What was Santa’s best subject in school? Chemistree.
Where does Santa stay when he goes on vacation? At a ho-ho-ho-tel.
How does Father Christmas wash his hands? With Santa-tizer.
But wait—there’s myrrh! Here are some Christmas knock knock jokes for good measure:
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Gladys.
Gladys who?
Gladys Christmas. How about you?
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Honda.
Honda who?
Honda first day of Christmas my true love sent to me…
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Dexter.
Dexter who?
Dexter halls with boughs of holly…
The best Christmas quotes
It’s the most wonderful time of the year – song by Andy Williams
I don’t think Christmas is about things. It’s about being good to one another – Carrie Fisher
The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear – from the movie Elf
Christmas will always be as long as we stand heart to heart and hand to hand – Dr Seuss
What is Christmas? It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future – Agnes M. Pahro
Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings – from the movie It’s A Wonderful Life
Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas – Peg Bracken
Christmas isn’t just a day, it’s a frame of mind – from the movie Miracle On 34th Street
What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more – Dr Seuss
Christmas isn’t a season, it’s a feeling – Edna Ferber
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse – Clement Clarke Moore.
The best Christmas puns and Instagram captions
Baby, it’s cold outside.
Love at frost sight.
Shake it like a pole-aroid picture.
I’m pine-ing for you.
Sleigh my name, sleigh my name.
All the jingle ladies, all the jingle ladies…
There’s snow place like home.
The snuggle is real.
Believe in your elf.
Oh deer.
#Sleigh.
Totally sleighing.
Sleigh all day.
Let me take an elfie.
Driving home for Christmas.
Coming ho-ho-home for Christmas.
This year, I’m the gift.
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