Big Happiness Interview: Gabby Bernstein on manifesting a new vision for 2023

I’m feeling a bit gloomy. It’s freezing outside, I have a cold and the headlines are an onslaught of negative news. So, I’m delighted to be interviewing Gabby Bernstein, New York Times bestselling author of Happy Days: The Guided Path from Trauma to Profound Freedom and Inner Peace.

It’s not been the easiest year so how do we create a better one in 2023? ‘We choose it,’ says Gabby. ‘In any given moment, we can choose the perspective that we want to have. So rather than beginning the year with the story of how bleak and awful everything is, we can choose optimism, we can choose hope.’

We’re here to talk about Gabby’s upcoming event in London on 13 January, which invites us not only to be hopeful but to ‘manifest our wildest dreams.’ And she walks the talk. After a run in with addictions in her twenties and becoming ‘sober’ in 2003, Gabby became a motivational speaker who The New York Times describes as a ‘role model for a new generation of spiritual seekers’, has written nine number one bestselling books, hosts a popular podcast Dear Gabby, and was featured on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday as a next generation thought leader.

Gabby made a choice to turn her life around and she’s passionate about inviting us to do the same: ‘Don’t underestimate that choice. Because the decision we make of how we want to show up every day dictates the exact direction of our life. And it doesn’t mean that we ignore the suffering in the world, or our hardships, but it means we choose to lean into what’s possible, rather than the impossible.’

Here we talk to Gabby about ‘how to be the happiest person you know’.

When you’ve had a terrible year, how do you dare to trust that things might be OK in 2023? 

We have to first trust in our own ability to change. Because some of the challenges we face are behavioural patterns due to belief systems that we hold about ourselves, or life, that land us in the same situation over and over again. So, start there. You can have hope and faith in your ability to change. Make the commitment to do the inner work and change the way that you perceive your life.

When we show up for that work, that’s when we can have faith that everything in our life will begin to change. You can’t keep doing the same thing and expect different results.

Where do we start to make changes?

Try an exercise I call ‘choose again.’ When you have a negative thought that’s on repeat, for example: ‘I’m not going to get that job’, observe that thought. That’s the first step.

The second step is to forgive yourself for having that thought and say to yourself: ‘That’s just the thought that I keep thinking and it’s not my reality. It’s just a thought that I keep repeating.’

Then the third step is to ‘choose again’, which is to reach for different thoughts, such as: ‘I have a lot of people in my LinkedIn account that are interested in connecting with me,’ or, ‘I’m going fix up my CV,’ or, ‘I’m going to do some part time work until I get my dream job.’ Simply start reaching for the next best thought. You can make this process a daily practice of personal development. And if you practice this method regularly, you’re doing the work to change your life, and then you can have more faith that things will change.

Start reaching for the next best thought. You can make this process a daily practice of personal development.

Sometimes we can get so triggered by negative thoughts and feelings that in the moment we can’t catch ourselves and react badly – any advice?

When we get triggered, we can go straight into a flight or fight response, we are flooded by stress hormones. One of the quickest ways to counter that, is with a breathing exercise.

First, breathe in deeply and allow yourself to be fully present with the feeling. One of the hardest habits to break is pushing away our negative feelings. Instead, give yourself the chance to become comfortable in the discomfort by breathing into them. On the out breath, visualize your body releasing energy. You may even want to physically shake out your arms and legs to actively let go of tension in your body. The out breath offers freedom to release the tension and resistance. Taking it further, wrap your arms around your body and give yourself a hug. Say to yourself, ‘I’ve got you. It’s safe to move forward. You are not alone.’

You’re coming to London in January to talk about manifesting ‘your wildest dreams’. Give us a beginner’s guide to manifestation?

Start by doing the inner work. We can’t start just say what you want, without doing the work to get attuned and aligned with what we want. We manifest what we are, we manifest what we believe. If we are full of faith and love and grace, we’re going to manifest more of that.

How can we create an exciting vision for ourselves in 2023?

Having a vision for a better life isn’t about a certain amount of money in the bank, a special love partner, or a credential. Focus instead on a vision for how you want to feel when you wake up each day. Ask yourself, ‘What is my vision?’

In answering this, forget what you think you need and instead focus on how you want to feel. Maybe it’s hard for you to even ponder what it could look like to feel a different way. Or maybe you’re blocked by feelings of fear or unworthiness. Try for a moment to suspend your disbelief and answer this question quickly in a journal. Don’t think, just let your pen flow, capturing all the feelings you want to experience. Find some uninterrupted time in your day to do some freewriting. Then just write.

Forget what you think you need and instead focus on how you want to feel.

What if you do want a new job or a new relationship?

Aim for a feeling, not an outcome like a job or a credential or a title. Try not to let your vision be reliant on someone or something.

For instance, you may feel tempted to hold a vision of a deep romantic partnership, thinking that this will make you feel complete. While there’s nothing wrong with wanting romance, that freedom in romance cannot come until you assume the feeling of freedom on your own. You may think that a romance will make you feel safe, connected, or at ease. But safety, connection, and ease must come from you first.

Committing to how you want to feel and accepting that it cannot come from an outside force, is the secret to manifesting the great changes you are here to make. Give yourself permission to believe in a new vision of how you can feel even if you can’t see how you’ll get there. Keep it simple. Just envision what it would be like to have the feelings you want. Write a vision statement.

Gabrielle Bernstein is in London on 13^th January 2023, speaking at the Manifest your wildest dreams event.

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