Asking For A Friend: I can’t afford my friend’s hen do, how do I tell her?

Asking For A Friend is the series where we answer the questions you don’t want to ask.

‘Handling conversations well around financial limitations in social events can be a sensitive and uncomfortable subject to broach, but the more you think about it, the bigger and more overwhelming it will get,’ Dipti Tait, a relationship psychotherapist, tells Metro.co.uk. 

‘It’s really so much better to get your financial concerns aired as soon as you can.’

Real friendships are built on trust and understanding, she says, both of which flourish when we communicate openly. 

While turning down someone’s hen do idea due to money can be extremely guilt-inducing, if you approach the situation with sensitivity, honesty and compassion, your friend shouldn’t hold that against you. 

Here’s how to broach the subject with your bride-to-be bestie. 

Don’t wait

As Dipti says, you need to let your friend know how you’re feeling as soon as possible.

‘As soon as you realise that attending the event may be a financial strain, have an open and honest conversation with your friend,’ she says.

‘Let them know that you value their friendship and want to celebrate with them, but you have financial limitations that may prevent you from fully participating.’

Chances are, your friend will be super understanding, and may even tweak the event to allow you to stay involved. 

Plus, it’s better than letting your friend think you’re able to come, before pulling out last minute – likely with a rubbish excuse. 

Find a compromise

Remember that not being able to afford the main event doesn’t mean you can’t be involved at all.

‘Ask your friend if there are any alternative ways you can show your support or be involved,’ says Dipti.

This could be anything from helping them get ready or going for your own mini hen do separately. 

‘You could suggest an alternative, more budget-friendly activity or offer to participate in a smaller capacity, such as attending part of the event, or contributing in a different way,’ says Dipti. 

‘It’s important to find a solution that works for both parties and respects each other’s financial limitations.’

Be respectful, but set boundaries

Finally, it’s important to understand that your friend has their own budget and financial priorities, and they should be respected. 

‘Avoid guilt-tripping or blaming your friend for the situation, as this can strain the relationship,’ says Dipti.

That said, if you truly can’t afford to join in, put your foot down. Don’t let guilt allow you to compromise your own financial wellbeing. 

‘Remember that true friends will understand and respect your decision, and it’s not worth jeopardising your financial health for a one-time event,’ says Dipti. 

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