Ask Amy: Successful sister ponders her family obligation

Dear Amy: My question is about family obligations — both financial and emotional. My sister and I are both in our 70s and retired.

She has made life choices that have left her alone and out of money with serious health issues. She has had multiple marriages that failed. She quit working at a young age (30s) due to health concerns.

I believe our mother supported her for years before (my mother’s) death in 2003. We live 1,000 miles apart.

She has children who live near her: one who has not had contact with her in a decade and one who helps only when she feels she has to.

I have been married for over 40 years; we both worked hard for decades and have a reasonable retirement that may or may not last as long as we live.

My sister has often expressed how she needs money, without actually asking for it. I have given her about $1,000 over this past year. I send cash gifts for holidays and birthdays, but I’m sure that is nowhere near what she needs.

She has recently asked me to exit her life due to “lack of support.”

She has never been a kind person.

I am looking for an objective answer as to what my support for her should be, if any. My last visit to see her was 10 years ago, and I have no desire to visit again.

She has a social worker and gets some government help but still lives independently in an apartment she can’t afford.

Her children have never asked me for money. The one who does help her out reluctantly is a high earner. The other one, not so much.