Ask Amy: Pressing “pause” on a negative friend

Dear Amy: What is the right way to put a friendship on pause?

I have known “Lara” for many years. We don’t have a lot in common and it can be trying to spend time with her — she monopolizes conversations, tells inappropriate stories and can be extremely negative.

However, she was very persistent about befriending me, so I saw her casually and also spent many hours supporting her after a job loss a decade ago.

While she has now stabilized, she never returned to her prior career and remains very angry.

After COVID struck, I decided to focus on my closest relationships and began seeing Lara far less often.

Earlier this year I lost my own job. It hasn’t been all bad — I’ve been able to help my ailing parents and found some part-time work — but some days it takes everything I have to stay positive.

Lara is the absolute last person I want to see right now: I just can’t listen to her complaints about not seeing me or about the terrible job market.

But she’s been reaching out to me for months, despite my attempts to brush her off politely, and now is getting her husband to text me.

Can I just ghost her? (I haven’t spent any time with her for about a year.)

Do I owe her some kind of explanation, and if so, what should it be?

I will admit that I resent having to do this emotional labor during a difficult time for someone I never felt close to.