Ask Amy: New parents worry about alcoholic granddad

Dear Amy: My husband and I recently welcomed twins into our family.

His parents were able to visit with us a few weeks ago.

It was apparent that his father, who has struggled with various self-medicating strategies for chronic pain, has continued down the road of alcoholism.

His drinking has escalated from a few beers in the evenings to hard-liquor drinks starting in the mid-morning.

There have been a few incidents over the past year that have prompted his kids to ask if he drinks too much. These have resulted in excuses and his attempts to hide how much he drinks.

We did not anticipate how anxious we would be to have him in our house interacting with our babies. Nothing bad has happened, but we feel the need to do something, especially since they are interested in spending more time with us. What is an appropriate way to proceed?

We don’t want to hinder a relationship, but the drinking hasn’t stopped, and we’re worried about safety and setting a healthy example for our kids.

— Anxious Mom

Dear Anxious: Having two babies in your life will clarify all sorts of things for you. Yes, you should put their health and safety first and so you and your husband will have to do some basic risk-assessment and take it from there.

Your husband (and his siblings) should approach their father’s drinking without attaching shame and harsh judgment. It is a fact of his life — it is real, it is happening, and the consequences attached should be specific and proportionate.

State your own intentions simply: “Dad, we can’t have you around the babies when you’ve been drinking.”