Dear Amy: I have three siblings. We’re all very different. Two of us get along well with our father — and one sibling does not. We were all basically raised the same way. It’s just a personality clash.
I’m at the age where most of my friends are having children, and my wife and I are considering having kids ourselves.
No one can predict the type of child they will get.
Sometimes I want children, and other times I think of myself arguing with a teenager and I’m terrified.
How can anyone know if they would be a good parent or if they would enjoy it?
— Anonymous
Dear Anonymous: Parenting is a great leap into the unknown. You can never know in advance what your child’s temperament will be like, or what health issues might arise that could greatly refocus your life.
I do think that some people are simply oriented toward children. They see children as fascinating and try mightily to connect with them — even when the most obstreperous toddler throws a tantrum in their path.
Other adults only discover their capacities once they have children of their own.
Many people experience a genuine shift once they have children: A parent’s heart grows, compassion deepens, and their capacities expand in response to a child’s vulnerability. Plus, babies are entrancing, young children are hilarious, and adolescents fill your life with intrigue.
No one on the planet looks forward to arguing with a teenager, and yet if said teenager was once your own obstreperous toddler, most parents manage to get through this phase because they’ve grown enough as people to push up their sleeves and wade in.
Do you connect with your friends’ children — or your nephews and nieces — in a special way? Do you have a strong instinct that having a child will somehow “complete your family?” Then you might be ready to take the leap into this humbling and profound human experience.
Keep in mind that when it comes to parenting, you are never “done.” To paraphrase a line from the great movie, “Parenthood” (you should watch it), even after surviving toddlerhood and teenage tantrums, parents never get to spike the ball.
Dear Amy: During the summer I work as a housekeeper at local rental cabins. The guests are mostly fishermen and vacation travelers, so the duration of their stay may be one night or several nights.
If they are staying multiple nights, I visit the cabin while they are out and make the beds, replenish the coffee, condiments, soaps, replace used towels and remove the garbage.
If there is a kitchen with dirty dishes, I will wash those, even though there is a posting that indicates they are responsible for leaving the dishes clean upon departure.
Oftentimes the cabin looks like a bomb went off. I do the best I can.
I figure they are on vacation and have better things to do than clean. I take pride in my work.
More often than not, I receive no gratuity.
I do not spruce up the cabins only to receive a tip, but since I rarely see the guests, this is one way they can show their appreciation.
Once in a blue moon some will leave a note or a couple of coins laying on the floor.
With summer vacation plans being formulated now, please remind your readers to acknowledge the housekeeping staff.
— Cinderella
Dear Cinderella: My theory is that anyone who has ever worked in the service sector tips generously.
I’m happy to remind everyone to do the same.
Dear Amy: I thought that your response to “Reluctant Grandma,” (the grandmother who didn’t feel comfortable hosting a baby shower for her son and his partner due to the fact that they weren’t married) was mean spirited and unfair.
The grandmother has every right to her feelings and or beliefs and she shouldn’t have been made to feel bad or put down as you did.
She can respectfully decline to host the shower without that adversely affecting her love or future relationship with the child.
What happened to you being able to respect and understand her feelings and perspective?
You were really hard on her.
I hope that your response didn’t make her change her mind.
— Upset
Dear Upset: I hope my response — harsh as it was — did make her change her mind. My intention was not to pressure this grandmother to host a shower. I was hoping to actually change the way she is thinking about and framing the birth of this child into her family.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
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