After medically transitioning, I started to experience menopause-like symptoms

I’m not sure what I wanted to accomplish by doing it but I know it felt good.

Still, I couldn’t shake the feeling there was something missing and it was then that I started to think about the possibility of transitioning.

Back then, it wasn’t something that was talked about or that I could access information on, so I suppressed those feelings.

In the late 90s, when I was in my late 40s, I moved to Madrid, having separated from my wife. In the eight years I was there, I lived a double life. I went to work as a man, dashed home to change, and went out as Francine – a woman.

I fell in love with a beautiful Spanish woman who identified as lesbian, but it didn’t work. She knew me as Francine but she couldn’t cope with me still being male.

It was then that I realised that I wanted to be Francine all the time. That I’d always wanted to be a woman.

I came back to London and had a conversation with friends, who encouraged me to look into gender confirmation surgery – and after six years, I had the operation.

Paid for privately, it took place in 2015, when I was 62. I was sick of living a lie.

I’m sure it was partly the drugs, but I came round feeling euphoric and immediately knew I’d done the right thing.

The surgery was straightforward, but being left with a male voice is annoying. It’s nothing I can’t cope with, though.

However, my aftercare has been terrible.

My surgeon was a transgender specialist but at check ups, I felt he was disinterested.

I told him that I had a burning sensation in my vagina immediately after my surgery, which was causing me distress and discomfort, and he just wrote it down. I went away with no solution.

After my gender reassignment, I was given oestrogen and testosterone – I don’t know why I was given both of these – and I just blindly accepted them and didn’t question it. I felt tired and my loss of libido was immediate.

It was a huge blow to my mental health. I felt low energy and had no enthusiasm for anything. I was sad and angry at having to deal with pain and a continued lack of understanding.

A few months later, I visited my local GP, who became embarrassed, seemingly unable to process or comprehend my issues, or deal with my emotional state.

As a result, I started to isolate myself, feeling frightened of pursuing a relationship.

After years battling this, I turned to my friend and former midwife, Piroska Cavell, early in 2022.

Over a few glasses of wine, I confided in her that I had not been intimate with anyone since my gender confirmation surgery in 2015.

I explained the burning sensation in my vagina, loss of libido, tiredness and low mood. She said this sounded similar to menopause in cis women.

As I’ve always taken hormones, Piroska encouraged me to have blood tests to check my hormone levels, and it soon became obvious there was an imbalance.

Suddenly things became clearer.

I take female hormones to ensure I have female characteristics physically and emotionally, but because I wasn’t being monitored correctly, I experienced the same imbalance that comes naturally to cis females during menopause, with similar symptoms.

I took these results to my endocrinologist and unfortunately have come up against a brick wall, but I feel that at least knowing the cause has empowered me to move forward.

I now have a greater understanding of the effect hormones, both natural and synthetic have on the body, mentally and physically.

Going into my consultations with this knowledge gives me the confidence to keep pushing for the right treatment and not settle with the vague answers I am often given.

I feel more in control of my body now than ever and go armed with instructions on what tests I need from my doctor.

Despite all the ups and downs, life is good and I’m happy.

I have financial stability and a good relationship with my children, and six wonderful grandchildren, who I see regularly.

And I’m doubly sad for other trans women out there dealing with a lack of understanding around their hormone therapy and the impact on mental health.

I am lucky I have someone like Piroska to educate me on it, but I want all trans women to have the opportunity to talk to someone who is sympathetic to their needs.

We shouldn’t be relying on friends though; we need more research into the whole system of post-operative treatment for trans women, including hormone therapy.

Still, I spent many years being in the wrong skin and now I am calmer, happier and true to myself.

I did what I needed to do and I don’t think I would have changed this journey at all. This is my life and I’m proud of it.