‘It’s a life still worth living: The people left behind after suicide

‘It’s sent me into a spiral of depression, and probably even suicidal behavior. Most of the world is unbearable, even to this day,’ confesses Mike Palmer, a father who’s youngest daughter died by suicide in 2021.

‘Survivors of suicide loss are at higher risk of developing major depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and suicidal behaviors’, a paper from the University of California reads, while a research from UCL found ‘people bereaved by the sudden death of a friend or family member are 65% more likely to attempt suicide if the deceased died by suicide than if they died by natural causes.’

While there are resources and support groups for affected by suicide in the immediate aftermath of grief, seldom does their own long-term mental health get as serious a look-in.

Since the passing of his daughter, Mike, 58, has sought out education around the matter and has been there to support other parents in similar circumstances. He’s also raised more than £1,000,000 for suicide prevention charity, Papyrus.

It was in Manchester during the coronavirus lockdowns that Mike thinks Beth’s mental health plummeted, as her world fell apart and upcoming singing performances she had booked across the city were cancelled.

However, Mike says ‘we’ll never know all the reasons why’ his daughter ended her life, and now thinks the family ‘missed the signs’, and put her behaviour at the time down to being a ‘teenager’.

‘What is left behind is basically everything is shattered and the the ripple effect is absolutely huge,’ he says.

‘We basically limp along with our life now. But I work to raise awareness for prevention of young suicide. That’s my aim and my my point at the moment.’

In March, Mike, along with Andy Airey and Tim Owen – the three of them known as the 3 Dads Walking due to their charity walks – successfully brought a debate around suicide education to government. Suicide prevention will now be included in the national curriculum, thanks to their campaigning.

This altruism was born out of immense suffering. Mike says the world ‘changes colour’ and sometimes you don’t know ‘how to breathe’ anymore when you’ve lost someone by suicide.

‘I couldn’t even get out of bed. There’s many emotions after losing someone to suicide, obviously, there’s all the despair and pain.

‘There’s also anger as well. But I am angry at myself too, because I do believe I missed some signs.’

Wanting to learn more about mental health, Mike went on to train in multiple areas including post-suicide, through courses and charities. He can now instruct mental health first aid, among much more.

‘Sometimes post-suicide there isn’t enough signposting,’ he adds.

‘There is support out there, but often people don’t know how to find support, either.’

Niyc Pidgeon, a psychologist, knows this only too well. Having lost friends to suicide over the years including Love Island’s Sophie Gradon – and having attempted suicide aged 12 herself, she sees the impact on people both personally and professionally.

She says the effects on those left behind cannot be underestimated.

‘The impact of suicide can ricochet through families and friendship groups, leaving a wake of emptiness and grief behind where those close to someone who died by suicide are left trying to make sense of what happened,’ she explains.

‘It is said that one person dying by suicide impacts six people directly who are close to them, and exposes more than 135 people around them, meaning that as well as almost a million people dying by suicide, millions of loved ones are impacted by suicide every year too.’

If you’ve been affected by the issues raised in this article, you can called the Samaritans on 116 123 or visit Papyrus for support.

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing [email protected].

MORE : As someone who has attempted suicide, Paddy’s Emmerdale story perfectly resonates