Opinion | ‘A subliminal profanity’: Walmart’s latest T-shirt controversy shows it needs to read before it sells

Walmart should create a new position: T-shirt reader.

You know, a pair of eagle eyes in the buying office that can scrutinize the short-sleeved product lines to ward off potential controversy. This one reads, “Have a Nice Day.” Fine. That one reads, “Best Dad Ever.” Statistically unlikely, but OK.

Hang on. This one with the environmental message … uh-oh.

The shirt is army green with buttermilk lettering. There is a large “RE,” the prefix to a stack of four lower-cased words to the right: “cycle,” “use,” “new” and “think.”

Get it? Recycle, reuse, renew, rethink.

And if you’re Walmart this week, recoil.

This $5 kiddie shirt gave the behemoth a million-dollar headache. A shopper suggested it contained a subliminal profanity. This is a family newspaper. I can’t spell it out. But you can by taking the first letter from each of the lower-cased words.

And I guess I’ll C U next Tuesday.

Now, unless you read T-shirts like crossword puzzles, this vulgarity is not obvious. It’s certainly not as unambiguous as a guy I once saw on the ferry to Centre Island who was sitting on the rail bench and garbed in a T-shirt that read, “Go F — k Yourself.”

I was intrigued by the visual juxtaposition. He looked very friendly.

Anyway, after social media had a field day this week in a bargain basement of regrettable typesetting, Walmart pulled the C-word shirt. They said it was an “unintentional” gaffe. And, somewhere, an inconsolable designer was self-flagellating on a heat press. If he or she had just flipped the “cycle” and “think” in the sequence, there would be no scandal. As we all know, tunc is not offensive.

Walmart should cut its losses and stop selling T-shirts with words on them. It’s not worth it. The margins are razor thin. Then the company has to apologize quarterly and trash cotton-blends that somehow slipped through the cracks and got on the racks.

In 2018, Walmart Canada mothballed a line of women’s shirts over the product descriptions. As the CBC reported: “The descriptions included tales of female groupies who serve as sex objects for hockey players and enjoy a golden shower.”

I didn’t know Donald Trump was a goalie!

Then there was a T-shirt emblazoned with a message that raised the threat vector for us poor saps in the media: “Rope. Tree. Journalist. SOME ASSEMBLY REQUIRED.”

When it comes to politics and social issues, the sloganeering on Walmart T-shirts is now fraught with PR peril. The company pulled an “Impeach 45” shirt after complaints from the MAGA cult. It pulled a “Bulletproof: Black Lives Matter” shirt after complaints from police unions. And it pulled an “All Lives Matter” shirt after complaints from those who believe those three words amount to backdoor racism.

I’m surprised Walmart isn’t selling a shirt with a cartoon dog blowing a whistle.

The company never learns. It doesn’t seem to get that parents shopping with young children do not want to explain a double-entendre in the George aisle. Walmart is currently selling a T-shirt that has a picture of a crimson sofa bed.

The caption: “Don’t Worry I Pull Out.”

Speaking of couches, I’m reminded of a 2007 incident in which a new sofa set was delivered to an excited Brampton couple. Alas, their joyful anticipation soon gave way to horror after they read the colour listed on the packing label: “N — r brown.”

Imagine trying to get comfy and watching TV while sitting atop a hate crime.

I have a terrible feeling the diabolical fiends who bestowed that sofa with the N-word may be responsible for a pair of military boots Walmart pulled earlier this year after complaints rolled in about the red “KKK” on the tongues.

What’s next? Is Nike going to release a line of Air David Dukes?

Remember when it was considered impolite to discuss religion or politics in public? I miss the days when a fashion statement was never literal. Now, half the population wants their wardrobe to relay their beliefs to the other half.

We get it. You’re anti-abortion. You’re worried about climate change. You love Mountain Dew. You feel Trudeau is Satan. You are anti-gun. You are a Swiftie. You travelled to the Yucatan Peninsula and all you got was this lousy T-shirt. You’d love your wife more if she would make you a sandwich. Who wouldn’t?

But why not put on a button-down and pipe down with all this wearable messaging?

If you chart a date graph of T-shirt controversies — the amount of time I waste for you people — there is an interesting correlation. T-shirt controversies started to spike around the time Big Retail decided to ape eBay and allow third-party vendors into their online stores. Walmart, Amazon, the Bay, Best Buy, they have all turned into digital bazaars with a labyrinth of independent sellers. But the corporate landlords can’t monitor every product hawked on their websites. Or Walmart would never have sold T-shirts for girls tagged with, “TRAINING TO BE BATMAN’S WIFE.”

This is why the company needs to go on a hiring spree. Or at least add a couple of staffers with 20/20 vision who are sensible enough to put the kibosh on any T-shirt that may be sexist or pro-genocide. Or just abandon T-shirts altogether.

Quality control is impossible when you’re not looking at what you’re selling.

SHARE: