Jim Gaffigan: This is NOT

For many of us, it’s the most wonderful time of the year. But for our Jim Gaffigan, not so much:

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year…”
Really? Is it the most wonderful?
Have you been outside? Seen the crowds? The traffic? 
Ever go through security at the airport in December?
I’ll tell you one word that doesn’t come to mind: Wonderful.

Maybe for you it is the most wonderful time of the year.
It’s better than Summer? Fall? Spring?
You prefer crowds, cold and congestion?
To you, that’s wonderful?

Who even uses that type of language? “Wonderful”?
“Oh, this time of the year is wonderful?”
I know that song is from the early ’60s,
but you know even back then people were like, “Who says wonderful?” 

There is pressure to be happy in December, to be full of wonder.
“Happy Holidays!”  “Merry Christmas!”
At times I want to say, “Settle down!”

I’m not saying I don’t have great Holiday memories. I like Christmas!
But not enough to fill a month.
Or to make me behave like I’m in one of those Hallmark movies.

I guess what annoys me the most is when someone says, “Happy Holidays!”
You have to give a “Happy Holidays” back. It’s an obligation. “Happy Holidays!”
I want to say, “My parents are dead.”
But I just give a long pause and respond with, “.. happy holidays…”

The only thing worse than that mandatory “Happy Holidays” is the mandatory “Happy New Year!”

Ugh. That’s coming up…

     
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Story produced by Amy Wall. Editor: Remington Korper. Illustrations by Mitch Butler. 

     
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