Curaçao welcomes a new ‘Sandals 2.0’ resort — the brand’s 16th

If the shoe fits … come celebrate Sandals’ suite 16!

Mind you, the festivities aren’t for the all-inclusive resort chain’s age (it’s now a fortysomething in that department), but for the size of its ever-growing litter in the Caribbean and the Bahamas.

Sandals Royal Curaçao, which hard-opened on June 1 (a tad fashionably late, thank you very much supply chain), was born inside the island’s Santa Barbara Estate where a Hyatt once dwelled (later, gator).

This past weekend — graced by the likes of DJ Menasa, the Blue Man Group, sexy-phonist extraordinaire Nelson Braveheart and violinists CJ Opus and Clari Montero — visitors and brass alike went Dutch to a tropical party thrown in its honor on the beachy alumnus of the now-dissolved Netherlands Antilles.

Sitting pretty in the Caribbean’s Deep South, SRC is the brand’s first property to open in five years as part of its “2.0” expansion.

Not to be all cringingly clickbait-y about things, but let’s just go right ahead and unleash the listicle. Here’s how to try on Sandals No. 16 in as many ways.

Buy the numbers

Sandals’ newest resort doesn’t shy away from number flexing, offering 351 rooms and suites in 24 categories, occupying 44 waterfront acres of “Hyatt who?” turf, and all of it sitting within 3,000 acres of the cedilla-flaunting island’s famed Santa Barbara Estate. If you must, ugh, there’s a 38,000-square-foot meeting and convention space, the largest on the island.

Bon bini to Cura-chow

The fresh-faced place also has 11 dining ops (including three food trucks) and, more importantly, a baker’s dozen of bars. Dushi bida!

In plane site

Dying for more digits? Here’s a fun one: Royal Curaçao is only 15 miles from the airport. There are no ride-sharing services on the island (they do, however, have plenty of taxis) so feel free to half-marathon it from Hato Int’l. By the way, the island enjoys nonstop service from NYC, Charlotte and Miami.

Wear it’s at

Sandals Royal Curaçao

Sandals Royal Curaçao

Sandals Royal Curaçao

If you’re a fellow travel geek, you’ll be over the moon to learn that this fresh new Sandals is utilizing the stagecraft of award-winning “father of fashion week” Stan Herman for all of its staffers’ unis — from the concierges and restaurant crews, to the butlers and events managers and everyone in between. Think loads of pocket squares, sun-washed colors, ruffled shirts and custom “S” pins. We stan Stan.

Table manners

SRC has a spa. It’s called Red Lane. Never been touched by the Dutch? Book now, thank us later.

Solar power

Sunrises are for chumps. SRC is a West-facing resort so magnificent sunsets up the yin-yang await.

Mini me

You rang? Guests staying in the Awa Seaside Butler Bungalows and Kurason Island Poolside Butler Bungalows will not only have said stewards, but also private pools and access to BMW Mini Coopers to mob around the island. German tourists? Not everyone’s cup of tea. German engineering? Everyone’s cuppa!

Off-site’s on point

Many Caribbean resorts in general try to hold you captive on their property for safety (and spending) purposes — and often for good reason; there can be quite a lot of unpleasantness out in them thar tropics. But SRC instead encourages you to take a feasting field trip, partnering with up to eight off-site restaurants as part of their “Island Inclusive” program. Book seven nights in a butler suite and they’ll gift you a $250 restaurant voucher to use out in the real world.

Barkeep, get me a pool — and make it a double, with a splash of splash

You don’t need a degree in discrete mathematics to know that 2 infinities is > 1. Royal Curaçao’s bi-level infinity pool proves it, QED.

Baller move

One word (although it sounds like a few more): Bitterballen.

Plastic surgery

It’s a net positive! Sandals Resorts International’s philanthropic arm, the Sandals Foundation, is teaming up with the Netherlands’ AFC Ajax team to launch Future Goals — a program that turns fishing nets sourced from the ocean and recycled plastic waste into soccer goals for the kiddos.

Attention span

You’re only seven miles from Willemstad which, sure, is a UNESCO World Heritage Site in its own right, but more awesomely has a funky pontoon bridge that swings open on a hinge when boats need to pass through.

After three years, carnival is back, baby!

However, sadly, this year’s post-quarantine comeback fest is already over, but there’s always next year (one hopes!). If you don’t come home from a Caribbean-based carnival with at least a mild concussion, you did it wrong. Trust me on this, I’m a professional.

PADI cake

Curaçao has more than five dozen dive sites — take an easy-breezy 3-hour scuba course onsite at its Aqua Center and head under da sea, day of, for $120/pp. Or, take it up a notch and go the $480/pp fully certified PADI Open Water Diver (OWD) route, part of which you can “e-learn” ahead of the trip in advance.

Adult swim

Because of a certain ruling by a certain highest court in our land, Sandals staying true to its cherished adults-only policy at Royal Curaçao has never been more timely.

Foot the bill

All-inclusive rates from $341 per person, per night? Curaçao, Cura-sold, Sandals!