Sarah, Duchess of York: ‘I thought my mum left me because I’d cut my hair’

Engagingly honest and eager to please, she’s full of compliments for other people. And as she speaks with so much pride about her latest venture (more to come on that later), it’s almost impossible not to get caught up with her girlish enthusiasm.

I first met Sarah years ago, when we were both a lot younger, and as we chat now, it’s clear that she hasn’t changed a bit in those two decades since we last spoke.

I can still remember her telling me back then how she was worried that she was looking ‘big’ – and yet she was a healthy size 14. 

Now, she admits very honestly that weight is still playing on her mind.

‘It’s always going to be my trigger point and where I go to first when I want to self-sabotage, she tells me.

However, it’s hardly surprising that the way she looks has been a constant source of concern for the mum-of- two. She reveals how she was often teased for her size – ‘they used to call me fat frumpy Fergie’ – and that she even grew up thinking her mother left home because she had a bad haircut. 

Admitting she blamed herself when her mother Susan left in 1972, Sarah explains: ‘I’d just had my hair cut really badly, then Mum left and went to live in Argentina. 

‘So from the age of 12, I felt she left me because she didn’t like my haircut and she was so disappointed she couldn’t look at it. I felt that it was all my fault that Dad had been left on his own to raise my sister and I. I carried that guilt for years.’ 

Her mother, Susan Barrantes – who had in fact left her husband for a polo player – died in a car crash in 1998. ‘She was the same age as I am now when she died, so I make sure I live every minute of my life to the full,’ the duchess adds. 

However, even with a life filled to the brim, Sarah admits there are days when the negative comments do get her down. ‘I’ve always felt judged, which is why I support the LGBTQ+ community. I know what it’s like to be segregated,’ she explains. ‘I’m 62 now and it still hurts, even now, when someone has a pop at me.’ 

Sarah is talking to Metro.co.uk to promote the paperback edition of her first Mills and Boon novel. ‘It feels fantastic to be 62 and a first time novelist,’ she beams. ’I went to Mills and Boon, because they’ve historically supported women and they’re such an institution.

‘I wrote my novel during the pandemic and that was my go-to place. When the box arrived with the first copies of the book, I had to smell it, touch it and re-read it. It was exhilarating.’

In between telling me about her debut, Sarah also shares how she still misses Princess Diana, who died in 1997. She notes that one sadness is that Diana – once her closest friend – never lived to see her grandchildren. 

Now, the pair are onto their second novel and it’s an experience that has given the Duchess a huge self esteem boost. ‘I’m 62 and just completing it has bought me a new-found confidence,’ she says with a smile. ‘‘It feels fantastic and if you like this book, just wait for the next one. I’ve found another really strong woman as my heroine.’

As we wrap up our interview there is clearly still one subject that hadn’t been covered – and won’t be. Any mention of the royal family or her ex-husband Prince Andrew were vetoed. 

However, one thing Sarah does tell me is: ‘The York family are a united front and we stand very strong and very tall. When the winds get violent, we keep standing.’ 

Her Heart For A Compass by Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York with Marguerite Kaye is published by Mills & Boon and out now in paperback, eBook and audiobook.