As a straight, middle-aged woman I didn’t expect to be diagnosed with HIV at 55

When I first saw the now-famous Aids tombstone adverts in the 1980s, I thought they didn’t apply to me. 

I was married with two children. I had been sold the lie that HIV was only something that men who have sex with men could get. 

So when I was diagnosed at the age of 55 in April 2015, it came as a massive shock. I didn’t even realise that women could get HIV until it happened to me. 

But it can happen to anyone – I cannot stress this enough. It can take just one time, unprotected. 

I was single after my divorce, and after sleeping with one person, was sexually inactive for five years. I was still diagnosed with HIV. 

It took until I was on the brink of death before anyone thought to test me – by that point, it was almost too late. I had been seriously unwell with different illnesses for about five years.

I thought I had swine flu in December 2010 – although I didn’t attend the GP, it is now apparent this was seroconversion that occurs when HIV has been in the system around four to eight weeks.

From there, I was in and out of the GP so regularly with a range of illnesses including oral thrush, gastro issues, hair loss, muscle weakness, skin rashes, depression, anxiety and finally breathing difficulties. I felt like a hypochondriac – but looking back, I realise this wasn’t the case.

The reality is that I was completely overlooked for so long because I was a middle-aged straight woman and not seen as at risk of HIV.

It’s utterly ridiculous that it took so long when HIV tests are so quick and easy. It got to the point I had to walk out of my job because I was so unwell and couldn’t cope anymore.

My health had deteriorated so much that my GP admitted me to hospital because I didn’t have an immune system.

A CD4 count gives an indication of how healthy your immune system is. A good CD4 count is considered to be anything over 500, and anyone with a count that’s lower than 200 is seen as at risk of developing serious illnesses – my CD4 count was just six, meaning I had Aids.

After having a CT scan, the doctors realised that I had PCP pneumonia, a fungal infection of the lungs that can be life-threatening. My daughter was told by my consultant to spend a lot of time with me because they didn’t think I was going to survive. It was an absolutely terrifying time.

Most people who get PCP have a medical condition that weakens their immune system, like HIV and Aids, so this was the catalyst for me finally being tested. When an HIV test was suggested, I agreed to it without hesitation. I was having various tests every day, so having one more wasn’t going to make a difference.

The incorrect belief that HIV is something that only affects a certain type of person is one of the reasons why an unacceptably high amount of people are diagnosed with HIV late.

In 2020, 42% of HIV diagnoses across the UK were late, this went up to 55% in straight men and 51% in straight women. At this point, the virus has already started to damage the immune system.

My late diagnosis means that I have long-term health problems – I still have memory loss and had reduced mobility for a long time – but I do still have a fulfilling life. I look after my grandchildren, go to my daughter’s house for dinner, and tend to my garden.

My health deteriorated to the point where I was on my deathbed, but thankfully recent developments in treatment meant that I was able to recover and keep the virus controlled.

The number of new HIV diagnoses among straight people is higher than in gay and bisexual men for the first time in a decade, the latest figures show. Prior to my diagnosis, I would have been really shocked at this.

MORE : I was scammed out of £102,000 by someone I met on a dating site – it can happen to anyone

MORE : It took leaving my abusive husband to realise I’m a lesbian

MORE : People look unfavourably on long distance, age gap relationships – but mine is perfect